The Forums › Forums › Emotional Journey › Is It Just Me? › getting drained from being around people › Re: getting drained from being around people
Anonymous
The bike commute sounds wonderful! I’ve actually been contemplating that. I didn’t get my driver’s license until I was 23 (due to attention issues, imagine that!) and I rode my bike everywhere. I did feel more centered, even calmer. I chalked it up to endorphins. Last week I walked to my gym prior to working out and realized when I got home that again, I felt ‘calmer’. It was just me and the walk and my walkman with a mixtape that I had made (yes, mixtape!)
The taking it personal aspect of it is always the toughest part of it all. I realized now that I’m so over beating myself up after I’ve done my ‘best’ that if someone doesn’t ‘get’ it, it’s always been more about THEM then about ME anyway, so maybe if they are out of my life it’s for the best. Most of my friends and family who have been ‘offended’ by my lack of contact were the ones that were far more ‘me,me,me’ than anything, and at first, I chalked it up to them being so needy that it exhausted me. In reality I’m surrounded by ‘need machines’ at my job and my tolerance for them is usually pretty much DONE by the time I get home. As we ‘speak’ my doc is interrupting my lunch to ask me questions about her charts. THIS IS WHAT I WORK WITH DAILY. I don’t even get an hour for lunch. Need need need. I’m more Popeye than ‘doormat’ now, instead of beating myself up I just say “I am what I am.” I try to grow and learn for ME, not because I feel bullied by people who just needed another fan club member to listen to EVERY LITTLE THING.
My theory is I try to understand it and make peace with it, and again, just do the best that I can. I know that people don’t like to be flat out ignored, as I don’t like to be either. I also know that some people find it as yet another ‘excuse’ from me for behavior they may not like, but as I get older, and my support system continues to grow and change, I find that I gravitate towards people who are more than happy to just ‘get’ me and not try to ‘change’ me.
Ironically, I do better in groups or crowds than one on one, unless I’m with someone I’m incredibly close to. I think that I get nervous in more personal situations where in crowds for the most part, you aren’t connecting with a specific person. But not LARGE crowds, don’t get me started on LARGE CROWDS…
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