The Forums › Forums › Ask The Community › how do you keep the kids in school??? › Re: how do you keep the kids in school???
@BuxomDiva, I know you want the best for him, but, at 20, he’s technically not a kid any more. He’s an adult. You can give him guidance, and advice, but you can’t keep him in school, any more than you can force him to do anything else. Besides, most 20-year-olds are all over the place. Even the ones without ADHD don’t fully develop the executive functions responsible for impulse control and delayed gratification, until they’re around 26.
The money is another issue. If it was given to him for the specific purpose of obtaining his school records, your mother has the right to ask him to return it to her, since he won’t be using it for that purpose. In doing so, she should make it clear that, if he later decides he does want to go back to school after all, she’ll consider paying for the records at that time—but in the form of a cheque sent directly to the school that will be providing the records. That way, she’ll be certain that the money will be used for its intended purpose.
As for his “mickey mouse job”, it may be a good thing for him at this time. In some countries, it’s standard practice for students to take a “gap year” of working, travelling, etc., to figure out what they want to do with their lives, before continuing their studies. If he enjoys his job and is making some money, then it’s good for him. It’ll teach him responsibility, and help him stick to a schedule. He may eventually get bored with it and may realize that, unless he wants a lifetime of similar jobs, he’ll have to at least graduate from high school, and then you can *suggest* he reconsider going back to school. But maybe he’ll like that sort of job, and want to stick with it. Ultimately, it’s his decision to make.
Rick has blogged on the subject of wanting to help our friends & family (especially our kids) to better themselves and their lives so much, but that, ultimately, it’s up to them, not us. Parents want their kids to have a good career and a good family and a good life, but their idea of those things is often very different from their kids’. When I think back to the jobs and classes that my parents pushed me into, because they wanted “the best for me”—jobs and classes that caused me so much frustration and unhappiness that it was actually a relief when they ended badly—I know that Rick is right. My life is much richer now that I’m following my own path. Not financially richer, but happier and more satisfying. And isn’t happiness what we really want for our kids?
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