Re: How To Accept This As a Severe Mental Disorder (in an adult)?

[Anonymous]

Wow MT it sounds like you have a lot of anguish in your life…… You appear very unhappy with your partner and/or your partners behavior. I understand that your examples are but a few there are probably too many tool list….and you have a whole cataloque of of behavior that you find intolerable but, here are a few things that I understand that may help…..I don’t know.

Changing ourselves and by that I mean real lasting deep belief and perceptual change change is very very difficult and requires a person’s deepest commitment and very likely a great guide or counselor to help one through it. To just initiate deep change on one’s own is kind of…. magical thinking and not likely to happen. Old tapes play the loudest, they are familiar no matter how disfunctional they may be and… we tend to listen to them and use them as our behavioral guides. So without deep commitment from within and likely more than a few years of counseling real change will not come about…. that and the desire to take that long long difficult internal journey. Nothing happens quickly….

This is another truth (for me)….first we need to understand how very hard it is to change ones own behavior, the effort and commitment it takes, and the consistent desire and years it takes to enable that change…………then ask … what then are the chances of changing another? Next to none I would suggest. This particularly true if the other person has no interest in changing.

These are things I have discovered in my life and through my journey….please, I don’t profess to know your life or your partners life this is just what I understand to be true in my world. So having said that I can only share a few things that worked in my life…for me.

I spent quite a few years in counseling. I went to see a counselor because my partner was driving me crazy….it was intolerable, I felt my life was a mess and out of control. Well I stayed for me!!! If I was unhappy and discontent then I needed to work on me and my life, for the simple reasons I stated above. I can only work on my happiness and my behavior, how I interpret things, how I process things, how I react, what I believe a my core…..all of those pieces, that how real change is initiated. When my counselor told me these truths, I was angry!!! Damn it!!! I was really angry!!! I told my counselor….she (my partner) is the cause of all my problems and you say it’s me who needs counseling and needs to change……really??? Yes…. he said, with a smile.

Why??? Because I am the only person responsible for my own happiness. I am the only one responsible for my own perceptions and beliefs. It is not about blame, or being right, or who does what to who. It is about me, what I believe, how I perceive my world and others in it. It is about my heart, and what is missing in my life, and why I’m so resentful of all that. I can change me and my life with a hell of a lot of work…but not another’s. If I attempt to do that is controlling and manipulative….not a love story. If I pretend to change to change another, same story is true, it’s controlling and manipulation, not love and acceptance of another.

Oh….my life did change and my partner seemed after time to be different too. My behavior changes seemed to break our old patterns and slowly things seemed better……and better. I’m sixty….still have my life partner after 37 years. Things are not perfect I’m not looking for that. I’m happy, very pleased with my life….no regrets. You know….without the turmoil of the past I would not have been driven to make the life altering changes I did. It was the hardest thing I have ever done without question….it took years and it is ongoing, still, today. Awareness and living the aware life is the most rewarding thing in the world (for me).

It is so hard to try and put this down in a post…… I’m sure I’m failing at it miserably…… and please… this is my life remember… I don’t know what will work for you??? I wish you well….

toofat

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