The Forums › Forums › For The Non-ADD › I Married An ADDer › How to succeed in a marriage when one spouse has ADD › Re: How to succeed in a marriage when one spouse has ADD
Hi I can fully understand what you mean. I’m smart but can’t figure out how to have a conversation. I guess what has been working well for me is giving my husband ideas on how to speak with me. I say to him that it is important that when you are speaking with me that you ask me instead of tell me that I’m not listening or saying something like I’m feeling like your not paying attention to me is better then barking at him. It is easier for me when he says it in that manner instead of being accusatory…does nothing for my symptoms. I find that when I repeat what he says to me it reitorates i understand and he seems to respond better to me and feels valued. I also ask him to just touch my leg or arm to make sure that I’m being attentive instead of saying something like “hello are you there” which he found funny but to me it was demeaning. When your symptoms are reduced then his life is better and you can be that wife/partner that can support him and listen to his needs. Also, listen to what he says and what good can you take from that…you may realize that what he is saying is something that you can work on as well. Take the positive of what he is saying…ADD can be a gift if we look at the great characteristics it creates instead of picking on our faults…just makes it worse. Also, please don’t compare yourself to an educated non-adder…it’s not the same. You have add and education that is who you need to be comparing yourself then it’s apples to apples.
Hope that helps!!!