Re: How to Work with a Boss who is ADHD

[Anonymous]

Her accusation that you’re judging her (being critical) is the paranoid anxiety we with ADD/ADHD have to live w/on a continual basis. Low self-esteem and poor sense of self is a part of our disorder….depending on what type of feedback we received from the adults surrounding us during our childhood, can enforce these negative, self-critical thoughts (we also project our negative thoughts about ourselves onto others….in our twisted, confused logic, we see others as constantly judging us in a negative light because WE judge ourselves negatively).

I have ADD (but have trained myself to keep order and simplicity….chaos scrambles my brain and makes me unproductive) and work with two bosses who are ADHD (one is inattentive and one is hyperactive). None of us take medication for our disorder….probably because we’re all in a similar age group and have learned how to positively compensate over the years before this disorder was finally respected by the medical community. I’ve discovered that, like every team in a work environment, we all have our individual strengths and weaknesses….in having to work closely together in a small office environment, we’ve learned to create an intricate dance of lending our strength to help equal out another’s weakness….we’re also very open and honest in our communication with one another, and this seems to be what contributes most to our success. Another part of this disorder (which is rarely discussed) is occasionally coming across as insensitive with our comments to others and not realizing it. If my feelings are hurt, I’ll speak up about it right away (you have to address it then because the moment won’t be remembered by the ADHD person)….I also tell new office mates that I have ADD and that I can sometimes come across as insensitive, and to PLEASE tell me immediately if I’ve unknowingly hurt their feelings or offended them in some manner so that the situation can be resolved immediately.

What I read in your posts, Karen, is a true to desire to understand your boss’s disorder, but resentment is quietly building. This doesn’t bode well for you, her, your job, or your home life….you’re right, you’re in a very stressful situation. It takes courage, but perhaps you and your boss could agree to a meeting outside of the workplace (a quiet coffee shop would be ideal….not a meal, definitely not a ‘happy hour’ setting) — a neutral setting that’s not intimidating to either party, to lend a more relaxed atmosphere and more conducive to open/honest communication — and discuss your concerns w/your boss in a non-threatening manner. Making clear statements helps ADHD individuals work more successfully w/individuals. If you don’t feel comfortable meeting w/o a 3rd party present, then maybe an office mediator who doesn’t align with either party would be helpful.

If things continue to spiral downward, then you might have to resort to looking for another position w/another boss….especially if you’re working for a boss who doesn’t take responsibility for her ADHD disorder….you shouldn’t be doing all of the bending and ‘trying to understand’ (she needs to understand that others’ work habits vary from person to person….and that your organizational skills could be an asset for her in appearing more professional….by catching details that she might miss). You both have much to learn from one another, but it’s a relationship, and as any worthwhile relationship it takes work and a period of time to figure where all the pieces go to make the best fit possible. Good luck!

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