Re: I don't know how I feel / indecisive

[Rich]

I was just diagnosed about a month ago and it continues to blow my mind how much of the stuff I thought was just ‘me’ can be tied to ADHD!

I usually describe myself as not-having-an-opinion. And while this has led me to be a great facilitator, mediator, and confidant… all those roles have an outsider-aspect to them that have often left me feeling left-out, disconnected, and – at times – sad. I often feel like I am not IN conversations, but rather watching them.

Yet – I don’t think of myself as being easily persuaded; in fact when I sense someone is trying to ‘get me to their side’ it is THEN that I can start being resistant! It’s more that I am really good as seeing where someone is coming from… “I don’t really like the taste of mushrooms… but, hey – there’s things that I like that others don’t… so I can see how mushrooms can be good!”

I actually “work” to have opinions on things… in fact, I have found it easier to arrive at what I *don’t* like rather than what I *do* like. So when it comes time to make plans I am a double-dose of challenging; my default answer is “whatever, I don’t really care what we do… what do YOU want to do?” And then when I hear ideas/suggestions/options then I say “oh…well… um… I don’t care what we do as long as it’s not THAT…. oh…. or THAT… okay, but really I don’t care…. oh… well, maybe not THAT either…”

This has caused a bit of frustration among friends, family, and in relationships

… there’s the irritated reactions: “JUST TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT ON YOUR PIZZA!!”

… there’s the ‘don’t even bother asking him’ approaches: “I’M NOT EVEN GONNA ASK WHAT YOU THINK ANYMORE!”

… there’s the mislabeling of being uncaring and/or not-invested: “IF YOU HAVE ANY HELPFUL INPUT ON WHERE WE GO ON OUR DATE YOU MUST NOT CARE VERY MUCH ABOUT THE DATE – OR ‘US’!”

I have on one hand been praised as being easy-going… and on the other hand, have been seen as easy to run-over by those with dominant personalities/opinions. It’s hard.

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