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Re: I need direction……..

Re: I need direction……..2011-06-02T16:18:36+00:00

The Forums Forums I Just Found Out! I Suspect I Am I need direction…….. Re: I need direction……..

#104459

Anonymous
Inactive
Post count: 14413

Thank you all for your posts. It is very comforting to know that I am not alone in my struggle.

This weekend my self-diagnosis of ADD may be correct. I haven’t returned to this website until today because I have been dealing with an issue that came up. .

My husband’s closest childhood friend’s (as a side note I too have no real friends like a few Adders have posted) passed away unexpectedly—a massive heart attack this past Sunday morning. My DH received the news at 3pm Sunday afternoon. We decided to attend the funeral which is a 5 hour drive away. We would leave on Monday morning at 5am. Returning Wednesday mid-afternoon.

In order to accomplish this I had many things to get done in a very short amount of time. I took on all tasks myself. Made no lists. Even though my DH offered to help I told him to keep the kids entertained & to just relax. I was pumped. Ironically I had been moping all week long until I received this sad news.

At 4pm Sunday I began coordinating the child-care with my parents.

*Packed all three kids clothes, books, toys, knapsacks.

*Went to the grocery store to pick up snacks for kids & our car ride.

*went to the store to buy a hostess present for our “friends”

*Washed four loads of laundry.

*made a pot of soup, a lasagna & a two banana loaves to take to my parents (oh yes I did!)

*ordered a pizza (?) for our dinner that night

*bathed the children after dinner & drove them to my parents

*Folded & put away all four loads of laundry

*While putting away laundry in children’s rooms decided to wash all their bedding & vacuum

*at 10pm DH went to bed I stayed up until 12:30am cleaning & organizing kitchen, packed our suitcase

*at 2am awoke showered, dressed & went down to the kitchen. Made a pot coffee & decided to make a batch of cookies to take with us (2 varieties) Why??

*DH awoke at 4:15am we left at 5am


I drove!

Once we arrived. I realized that I have not spoken to my husband’s friend’s wife in 5 years!!! We exchange Christmas cards, she’s an FB friend but I have not really talked with her in ages. However you wouldn’t have known that…..I was her “rock” during these past few days. This is so me! When I am needed I am your strongest support. The day to day mundane friend-stuff is not me. I babysat their children as they had details to handle for the service. I woke up earlier & made breakfast for everyone. I was very helpful & social. Served coffee & the cookies that I baked as people gathered in their home after the funeral. I often heard comments: “wow! You did this?”, “I do not know how you do it with 3 kids”, “I am just going to call you Martha Stewart”—who really wants to be called that? Even so, if only they knew the real me! I think this aspect of my personality of baking, cleaning, child-rearing, etc. & with the added illusion of an “accomplished” career woman alienates me from a lot of people—-mostly close female friends. I make it look easy when it isn’t at all. I need a crisis to function, the variety to fight the boredom & I need to work outside the home to feel like I am contributing…….currently I am unemployed so I am clearly not myself.

Our “friends” were very touched with our presence & my help. I mentioned that we should get together again very soon. Honestly I will not. I will not call her even though I think we bonded in the past few days. I will make absolutely no effort to remain in contact. Also I am not sure if I want to. Is that not weird?? Anti-social?? Immature?

On the drive home I mentioned all this to my husband. My symptoms, this website, my past successes & failures, my lack of friends, my job history, my chronic procrastination. Essentially he brushed it off. “You do not have ADD! “You are just not motivated. Use your energy to get a job. Any job. Get out of the house. Socialize. The economy is bad out there. Take anything & then move up. You can do it if you really wanted to! Pick up the phone & call friends. Make an effort. You wake-up at the crack of dawn—-type your resume!!!”

What should I do? Polish my resume. Call my recruiters. Get the interview & a job. Get this part of my life on track. In the mean-time try some holistic approaches to deal with my ADD, exercise, take omega-3s, read up on the subject, etc. & then deal with this issue head-on once I am fully employed?

I am so lost!!

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