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What motivates you? When you are at your most active, what thoughts or feelings are driving that activity? What are the circumstances? Are you responding to direct needs or requests of others? This is a key thing to notice, because it can help you later. It sounds like you responded – brilliantly – in an emotional-crisis situation.
Typically, people with ADHD need some kind of external cue or stimulation to launch into activity. We’re not good at doing this for ourselves. I have read advice to the effect that if I want to get things done, I have to put up notices or visual props for myself in the place where I will be doing the activity. Managing ADHD is about creating external structure.
Maybe you were great at work because you got regular feedback from the people around you. Maybe you’re great with your kids because kids (as a mom I know this) make us want to do things for them we would never bother to do for ourselves.
I find for myself that I’m much better with a mentor, teacher, or coach. A leader of a therapy group I am doing for people with ADHD suggested the idea of a “body double” – or a buddy to check in with about what we’re doing, to whom we can be accountable.
I don’t know you, but I would suggest getting a diagnosis and getting on medication would be the best thing to tackle first. Then learn as much as you can about ADHD. This can help you separate your sense of self from the symptoms it causes, so you can stop berating yourself for being unproductive. You need to learn how you work, and accept it as natural for you, rather than being a character flaw or personal failing. I recommend Sari Solden’s book “Women with Attention Deficit Disorder” and Russell Barkley’s “Taking Charge of Adult ADHD.” John Ratey also has a book called “Spark” which talks about the effects of exercise on the ADHD brain. The reason I suggest getting on medication first and learning more about ADHD is that then you can make better-informed decisions about the type of work environment that can help you do your best work. For whatever that’s worth. Usually I tackle a problem in terms of what is most urgent, but often find that rushing in without thinking things through leads me into situations that might not be the best fit.
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