Re: If ADHD describes the symptoms, are we all suffering from the same thing?

[Anonymous]

I loved that video (and agree on the umms). The part about us being driven by emotion really hit home for me. I had mentioned before that I was really good in school, mostly an A student, studied physics and went to grad school before graduating second in my class from law school.

I never thought I was particularly smart, I always said it was just hard work. Now I realize why it was so hard–I have ADHD. The emotional motivation really hit home because, when I was very young my teacher sent me home with a note. I wasn’t supposed to read it, but I did, and it said I should be tested for a learning disability.

My father was my hero, and he was a very proud man. He fought his whole life through undiagnosed dyslexia. He worked 16 hour days as a truck driver for 40 years. He would wake up at 3 am, drive to the South Bronx, pick up his grocery truck and drive all over the northeast, unloading the groceries by hand. He would come home at 5 or 6, eat dinner with us and be in bed by 9. All he ever wanted for my brother and I was to not have to work so hard, to use our brains instead of our muscles.

I was 8 when I brought that note to him, and he was crushed. He tried not to show it, but I could tell he saw my life unfolding the way his had and it hurt him. For the next 25 years, I worked my ass off trying to never see that look in his eyes again. I worked hard. I took in knowledge like a sponge, I studied every subject, threw myself into extra credit, mathletes, chess club and did nothing that didn’t get me higher grades.

You could say I over-compensated. My brother and I were the first in our families ever to go to college (he went on a basketball scholarship), and I kept going, getting that demon out. I was top ten in my class in a prestigious university for physics. I went to graduate school and won a fellowship from NASA. I worked so hard, that when I was in graduate school, I reminded my dad of that letter from Mrs. Tanchuck. He had no idea what I was talking about. I guess I showed them.

He died 4 years ago, after seeing me work for the most prestigious law firm in the world. Ironically, I never got to spend time with him because I was working so hard to make him proud. Cats in the cradle, I guess. When he died suddenly, that’s when my problems started to resurface. I lost focus on my career. I gained more and more weight (I always self-medicated with sugar and carbs, but I gained over 50 lbs in a year). I started screwing up more and more at home and at work. I’ve been like a speedboat with no rudder.

I’m finally getting help, but it’s good to know that it was my love and respect for my father that drove me this far.

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