Re: Impulse control, how do you get a handle on it

[Anonymous]

sounds like you have a whole giant can of worms open and slipping out all over the place. ;( i understand depression- i’ve been medicated on and off for 16 years now, i’ve been suicidal, i’ve dealt with abuse, chronic fatigue, etc, so i get struggling. i think the worst part of it -beyond the constant negative self-talk- is the feeling of complete and utter helplessness that accompanies the exhaustion, inability to think straight, and desire to get under the bedcovers and hide. you have my sympathies.

that said- ok, so we see the problems, great. excellent first step. so maybe you can’t fix them all, or fix many of them right now, but what CAN you do for yourself? there is always always always *something* that you can change in some small part of your life, if you look hard enough for it (and thats something you have to decide to do) and change brings well… change.

on a very basic level, it looks like whats holding you where you are right now is your mental health, your mum, 5 cats, and -$5k, yeah?

can you call the cops next time the husband flips out, and have him hospitalised on mental health grounds, and when he’s gone, take in a tennant to help pay the mortgage? get a restraining order to keep him out of the house? theoretically… have you looked into it? what’d happen if you told the IRS you couldn’t pay, realistically? if you sold up, filed for bankruptcy, and let them squabble over and take whatever they could scrabble together, and just walked away from it (taking cats in a carrier, a heavily medicated mum by the ear)? would your mother be eligable for supported housing through any low-income pensioners groups if she was homeless, could you get somewhere to stay from any womens crisis/shelter groups, mental health groups, etc? have you spoken to any crisis support agencies or a social worker about whats theoretically out there in terms of support, grants, etc if the poop well and truly hits the fan? you have? ok, get out the yellowpages and do it again. keep doing it.

i’m incredibly non-religious myself, but i can find *parts* of 12 step programs that work for me if i actively seek them out, and part is better than nothing. just getting out of my bloody bedroom is better than nothing- even if i move from hanging out with one group of crazies in my home to another more supportive- all be it religious- group of crazies with some funny ideas about faith, for a few hours a week- at least they know how it feels to live with a difficult person, at least you can offload there, at least the background noise pulls you out of your own mind just a little bit for a little while. even if mentally you’re saying ‘spaghetti monster’ whenever they say ‘god’, if its support, and its free, i’ll take it- i don’t care what the giver beleives nor what i have to smile sweetly and go along with- if it gets me somewhere better than i am currently, i’d take it. sounds simplistic, but you do what you have to do- thats as complex as it gets when you’re dealing with survival, and want to survive, deep down.

the biggest thing thats made a difference to my depression was dragging my wickedly fatigued arse out of the house just once a week, to do voluntary work. sounds lame, its not. 4 hours a week around generally sane people, doing something with value- i look after shelter-cats looking to be adopted- they appreciate my attendance and the cuddles, so do i. yeah, it was crazily hard to begin with. and sometimes i still don’t wanna get up and go, but i know they’re relying on me, so i do. and low and behold a few months later i have friends for the first time since i’ve moved to canada. we don’t agree on every topic, but we talk, and it keeps me saner. i doubt i could move in with them right now, but i’m not entirely isolated- i don’t ramble on about my issues, but i get a smile, a hello, the odd compliment, i’m not alone. its gonna keep getting better if i keep practicing and working at making it better.

have you tried every form of therapy out there- including cbt, taken every med you can get a sample for, tried combinations of meds, etc? no? keep chipping away at it. go and plead for more help from a doctor, any doctor, every doctor.

you can *always* do something, and right now you do have more than 2 options open to you. yes, you have some barriers, but you’re also doing a good job of actively putting some more up along with the pre-existing ones. i’m sorry, its cold, but i can’t fix it for you. but if you’re managing to type, there is *a* job you could do- even just part time, from home, if set up right, or from a shelter if you got a grant to buy a laptop, or whatever.

there are a lot of people out there offering help- maybe its not a perfect fit for you, maybe you have to tollerate the presence of an invisable sky-dude to get it, but its a hand to hold onto, so grab it, and do not let go.

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