jeneticallymodified – 
Thanks for the only smiles I’ve had in several days!!
First, the negatives:
* The house is mine, and we’re not married, so I could boot the boyfriend without getting anyone else involved. I’ve run the numbers and even at $700/mo rent (a high rate for one bedroom and use of common areas), I still wouldn’t be able to meet my minimum survival requirements (lights, food, mortgage, heat, etc.)
* I’ve already told the IRS I can’t pay, and they’ve put me on temporary “Uncollectable” status. The fines and interest continue to rack up, but at least they aren’t cleaning out my checking account (anymore). But they did tell me that any change in my income status – from whatever source the money comes from – then they’ll put be back on Active Collection status again and – whoosh – there goes my equity (or whatever).
* I’ve called women’s shelters. I don’t have kids and I’m not being physically abused and, technically, I own my own house, so I do not qualify for their assistance. Also, neither they nor any other assisted living organizations allow pets.
* My mom would not survive for very long in an indigent’s assisted living house. Maybe one of her AA friends could take her in.
* 12 Step lunacy is just as abusive as what I get from my boyfriend. It’s damaging to 95% of the people exposed to it. It’s not just the god part, either. Hey, I live in the South, I “smile and nod” daily at proclamations of god’s love – and wrath – just to perform simple functions like make it through a grocery store checkout line. It’s that *plus* the other “disconnected from any sense of reality” nonsense that goes on in those meeting rooms and fellowships that spins me into just as much of a depression and spiraling loss of sanity as my boyfriend’s own disconnects with reality. I’m glad you’re one of the 5% that gets some good from it. But there – literally – has to be another way for me.
* I have tried, I kid you not, EVERY psych med (except the major anti-psychotics) on the market, and not just the ones labeled for depression. Some I got the full complement of side effects within days; some did nothing at all after several months (except put me through withdrawal Hell getting them out of my system); some worked fairly well, but then stopped working, even at the highest “allowable” dosage. Throughout the years (I have been on psych meds since 1992) I mastered the art of free drugs: through doctor samples, pharmaceutical manufacturer’s patient assistance programs, and through tax-funded clinics. And on top of all that are all the studies that have come out showing that anti-depressants are equally effective as placebos. Ditto any form of therapy. What the research now shows is that *any* mode of treatment can be successful, if the patient believes that it will. A pill, talk therapy, physical exercise, chanting in a sweat lodge. . . doesn’t matter. Just have the patient be convinced that it will help.
* I have tried every form of psychotherapy that is recognizable by the APA. I have darn near memorized “Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy” and have several – worn and used – copies at my house.
Now, the Positives:
* I have not yet got on the phone with any crisis support centers (other than the ones for abused women) or with a social worker. That is definitely something I can do.
* Volunteering at a cat shelter: *This* made me laugh out loud. See, I was talking (emailing) my sole friend last week when she was in a really bad spot. She lives alone and only goes outside of her apartment if it’s an absolute necessity. I was telling her that she needed to find a reason to get out. Find someone or something to help. Like cats. 
I lived in San Francisco in the early 90s and volunteered at the SPCA. I, too, socialized kitties so that they would be adopted quicker (and to help them find the right match). It was nice because I didn’t have deal with people constantly. (It was during yet another period of very bad depression). It was healing because I was with cats, whose company I prefer greatly to that of humans. 
I told her it would be the perfect thing for her, because of the low(er) incidence of human interactions, versus other volunteering endeavors. I completely didn’t apply any of what I was saying to ME! Sheese! I told you my brain hasn’t been working right. I will make calls to [no-kill] shelters tomorrow. I know myself well enough to know that it would be hard to get me out of the house to do something to take care of myself, but I can more readily do that for cats in need.
* Self-imposed barriers: I’ll spare you the details, but I had this exact same conversation with the exact same friend a few days after the cat shelter conversation, over her supposedly wanting to quit smoking and how she was actively putting up barriers to keep herself from being able to do it. (Again, lots of laughter on my end while reading your post!).
* I have a couple decades of good business experience, most of it in business-to-business software sales (alas, never for more than two years with the same company). I absolutely could earn some money and be productive by working from home. . . I just don’t have any idea at *what*; nor the mental capacity or self-belief to find out what, and to then pursue it with the vigor needed to convince someone to hire me. Again, any and all suggestions are welcomed. I’m not kidding or being overly-dramatic when I say that my brain just isn’t functioning very well right now. The more specific the suggestion, the better, even if it doesn’t fit. Crimeney, at least it’s getting me thinking, picturing alternatives. I didn’t even have *that* capacity eight hours ago!!
Thank you, sincerely, again.
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