Re: Impulse control, how do you get a handle on it

[MelissaTex]

Jeneticallymodified – Thanks for the suggestions, but what if part of the thrill for the ADDer of looking at “naughty” web sites is knowing that he most likely will get caught, and can get into a good, knock-down, drag-out, fight about it? What does one do with an ADDer who seems to get his batteries charged from especially nasty arguments where he has really put his partner in her place? When you catch him doing something that isn’t just “mindless” or “thoughtless”, but outright predetermined, complete with lies to cover up. . . and he gets rip-roaring, soul-bashing, angry at YOU for having a negative emotional reaction to the perversion, betrayal, and lies? And what do you do when you’ve already tried NetNanny and history recording programs, and the ADDer just goes to an adult video store and watches his rented porn on the DVD player while you’re away at work?

Is it *normal* for ADDers to be this willfully hurtful? Is it normal for an ADDer to do something disagreeable, and then swear – mere minutes later – that he didn’t just do or say what I witnessed him just do or say, and then go into an instantaneous rage? Is it normal for the partners of ADDers to be required to be emotionally neutral automatons responsible for recording every conversation, every promise, every action or inaction, just so that they can replay Reality back to the ADDer when he adamantly denies it. . . and even then I am told that I am insane and controlling and out to “get him”. I am at my wit’s end. I am suicidal. I have moved into the spare bedroom and stay in there whenever he is home because I can no longer survive his lies and emotional abuse. Other responders say focus on the positives, downplay the negatives. What if all I get is negatives? What then?

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