The Forums › Forums › Emotional Journey › My Story › In the Closet › Re: In the Closet
Hi Prpldnsr
It sounds like you have such a heavy weight on your shoulders. I can’t imagine what it must be like to carry this on your own and noone, not even your wife knows.
I have no doubt you have worked hard to get where you are and have succeeded in your career due to your talents. I also have ADD and made it through two university degrees and work in health care now. I was just diagnosed a couple of years ago after having a few a-ha moments following years of feeling like I just needed to “get it together” (combined with low self-esteem) and instead of my career becoming easier to manage, it became more difficult as I outgrew the novice role.
Perhaps you are not a fraud as you fear, but are faced with trying to manage a disorder completely on your own with no medication (I am assuming?) and the demands of your life are probably the greatest they have every been. So I would think to break it down a bit:
-you are where you are because you have earned it regardless of whether or not you have ADHD
-if you feel that the symptoms of the disorder are affecting your performance in many areas and would benefit from medication, even for a short while, would considering that be helpful?
-could you consider telling someone, possible seeing a therapist who specializes in this area and can talk through some of the feelings you have? Perhaps you could work towards telling someone you trust a lot (your wife perhaps if you have a good relationship or a best friend?)
I struggle with a lot of shame around having experienced depression and ADHD, and it has helped me greatly to be able to confide carefully in a few good friends.
It also has helped me to read the stories of others who are in the public light in their careers and they have disclosed that they have ADHD (such as Ed Hallowell). But I don’t think you need to disclose publicly.
I hope that you become more comfortable with this part of yourself that has become a locked up compartment of shame right now.
I’m not sure if this made much sense (meds wearing off for me…very tired) but I feel for your situation.
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