abslt0, I agree with Elizabeth. Believe in yourself!
If you have made it this far, you MUST have a lot going for you! I finally went on meds last summer to help pull all the pieces of my life together. I’d gone through a bunch of really serious medical issues/surgery which added a lot of extra stress to my life. When I returned to work I was met with disaster there, too. I knew if I didn’t come up with a plan I’d surely end up sinking so I figured, “What do I have to lose by trying meds? If they work, great! If they don’t work or do anything……well at least you had a plan and tried to do something. You can’t fault yourself for trying to get things under control. ”
You know what? For me at least, the meds have made a BIG difference. A stunning difference, in fact. It was like finding out, “Oh, so this is what it’s like for everyone else!” It was really rather upsetting to find out that life could have been quite a bit different for me if this option had been available to me years earlier (AND if I had tried it). By saying it was upsetting to me, it was because I realized that much of my emotional baggage caused by the endless chastisement I’d had over the years for my ‘behaviour’ need never have happened! I’m sure you’ve heard it said ‘If I could just turn back the hands of time….’ Wouldn’t we all do some things differently?
I’m sure the perceived ‘misbehaviours’ that our loved ones/co-workers have complained about (at least for most of us) were never intentional. I know that was true for me. That was what was most upsetting to me once I started meds. It was that ‘aha!’ moment. I suddenly felt that I was the one truly in control and wasn’t left dealing with “what ever possessed you to say/to do THAT?”
Perhaps you could talk with your MD and get referred to a doc who deals with adult ADHD to check out options/treatments for you, even if just for counselling or sources for coaching on organizational skills . Believe me, it’s not always easy to get that referral for ‘adult’ ADHD (I was told over and over by my MD that there is NO SUCH thing) but push for it anyway. Everyone deserves to feel good about themselves. If a treatment makes life and relationships easier (like they are for everyone else) why not look into them?
You’re worth it!