Re: Looking for advice about a toxic future Father-in-Law

[Mike]

The fact is, you can’t set boundaries for your fiance. You can only set them for you. That said, you can set boundaries around your father-in-law, for example saying you will not tolerate homophobia, racism, etc.. And don’t.

I’ve just been reading Gina Pera’s book about relationships, “Is It You, Me, or the ADD?” and she has all kinds of great advice. But it seems to me a lot of it comes under the heading of communication. And standing up for yourself and what you believe in.

You can’t set your fiances boundaries with his toxic father, but you can set yours.

I was at an event 20 years ago, in as mall town, and a guy started telling racist jokes. And I said nothing. But my friend else called him on it and said he didn’t think it was funny and so on. The joke teller was stunned, then came up a few minutes later and apologized and thanked my friend. I was shocked.

Maybe people want to be called to more than they are.

Dunno.

It may backfire. In which case you won’t have to deal with him! Ha ha!

I just know what when I don’t stand up for myself I feel terrible afterwards. Now I always think, what would I want my kids to do? What would make me proud of them? And then I do that.

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