Re: Mild ADD? Or Midlife Crisis? Wondering/Obsessing, and in Need of a Pep Talk

[Anonymous]

@Curly – Funny you mentioned memory. I memorised three essays for an exam once. I can remember the date my first cat died. But my past is mostly a fog until something prompts a memory. And I almost never remember birthdays and such. I eventually got into the habit of keeping a calendar in the kitchen, writing on it, and looking at it daily. It took a long time (years and years) and plenty of missed or nearly missed (thank goodness for those places that do reminder calls the day before) appointments to get to that point though. Even still I manage to miss things. I was chatting to a friend today and telling her about my daughter’s progress with an anxiety issue and I suddenly remembered a related appointment my daughter has in the morning that I had not remembered. It’s on the calendar, but so are three other things. Too much clutter in one small square somehow turned my mind off each separate item. I still haven’t worked around the birthday thing. Too many variable to act on. Remember the birthday. Then get the motivation to go out and buy card/gift (or remember to do it when next at the shops). Then I have to remember the card/gift is there to give when I see the person next. Even just wishing someone a happy birthday is hard. I remember at midnight that a friend is about to have a birthday, but have forgotten by the time I see them.

I do really well on tests too. Something about the time limit and the way they’re set out seems to stimulate my brain into working well.

I certainly don’t hope to be a superwoman. I’d settle for being able to keep my house half as clean and tidy as most other people’s houses I visit. Laundry put away, dishes done, regular meals cooked, and surfaces wiped over regularly enough that they don’t need scrubbing to get them clean. I am happy to shove clutter into a room and shut the door so visitors don’t see, but I currently have too much clutter for that. I’d like to be able to start something and see it though to completion without a deadline to force me to do it in a mad, last minute rush.

I am getting better in some areas of my life. My organisation has improved during my adult years. I am better at time management than I was (mostly in the area of judging how long something will take). And if things have a spot to go, then I have learned to return it there after use most of the time so I don’t lose it. But I am also getting worse in others. My memory is becoming increasingly more of an issue. As has my procrastination. I have developed painful arthritis in my knees and back, which has given me just one more excuse not to get moving (even though I know I should), as well as putting an early end to those hyperfocus days when I am capable of spending all day madly cleaning. And the frequency of those days is on the decline too. I have come to a level of acceptance about who I am. I try to play to my strengths and avoid my weaknesses. But I admit I probably need help. Somehow. Because more and more often I get the feeling that things are getting out of control and that my weaknesses are overshadowing my strengths.

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