Re: My husband has ADD

[Anonymous]

Couples counseling!!!!!! Everything I have read about relationships/marriages with an ADHD person suggests heavily couples counseling, and I have to say, even after only 3 sessions so far, it is the best thing for my relationship with a 47 year old, never been diagnosed ADHD person. After a year of counseling for ‘depression’, and his manipulating and lying to the doctors and counselors, he is finally getting evaluated for ADHD because I threatened to leave. We needed couples counseling to start addressing all the problems he kept telling the doctors were my fault, my problem, me, me, me. He is finally seeing it is him, but more importantly for me, I am getting SUPPORT and help with the resentment I carry. I too, am the breadwinner, with him playing on facebook all day instead of looking for a job, I am working 40 hours a week, doing all the household chores, paying all the bills, etc, while he drives around hanging out with friends, designing racecars online, sitting on the computer and not bringing in a paycheck, but spending all my money for me with his impulsiveness issues. The counselor is helping me get my resentment and anger across to him and helping to educate us on how to work through these issues so we both are okay. I don’t want to write a list for him, like a mother to a 10 year old of his ‘chores’, but I understand he needs small reminders as remembering what needs done, following through on how to do it is incrediably hard for him right now. The counselor is assisting him to stop depending on me to do everything for himself, how to take care of himself, be a partner rather than the child ~ I really hope you are able to get him to counseling, but if not, you should go for yourself. If counseling is not viable option at this time, try Alanon meetings. The problems with ADHD partners and very simular to alcoholics and just having support from somewhere other than at home will help you cope. You can’t change your partner, you can only change yourself and how you deal with your partner. I wish you lots of love and hugs ~

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