Re: My husband has ADD

[Curlymoe115]

Instead of asking your spouse to do some housework find a specific job and ask him to do it. Hunny can you wash the dishes for me while I get the kids to bed. Hunny can you load the dishwasher so we can get it on. Men, even men without ADD do not notice things. They rarely engage with children and never really want to get involved. And if he refuses to do the dishes then get paper plates. Bad for the environment but great for your workload since he is the one that has to take out the garbage.

Employ a few strategies from one of the efficiency sites to simplify your workload. Instead of working like a slave do you put your 4 year old to work. Teach this one from day one that everyone has to pitch in. And when your 1 year old gets a few months older he can start to pitch in. I taught my girls to clean the bathrooms from a early age. They loved to swish the stuff in the toilet and made a game of sweeping. Ask hubby to supervise the kids while they clean and pretty soon he should start pitching in too. And won’t it be great when dad teaches the kids about football and helps them understand the stats for his pool. So while they are sitting on dads knee learning the finer points of the game go have a bath.

Remember you are not a slave. This may mean that you have to lower your exacting standards of cleanliness for a while but you have to simplify.

Melissa – Contact an attorney and find out your rights for spousal support. As a common law partner of 8 years you should have some. And the way you are living I would think that it would be better to go on Social Assistance for a few months while you find a job then to continue to live the life you are living. Thank goodness you have no kids. And from the sounds of it it is long past time to get out of this toxic relationship. This is not a partner this is someone that abuses you and then blames you for it. Don’t be a hostage for even one more day. Get out with your sanity intact. This is your life and you are wasting it on a person who has set you up in the role of ogre. Writing his mistakes down and confronting him with them is only going to trigger an argument not have him acknowledge an ahha moment. He will not suddenly after all these years decide that he is wrong and be better. Especially with you financially dependent on him and he can continue to use you as a whipping board and you have to take it. Or you can go to the local Employment office and start working on your resume and start looking for work. Even in these tough financial times there has to be some way that you can earn some money that you can put aside for when you can’t take one more minute. Or cut down on the usual expenses and hoard a little in a bank account. Whatever it is you need to start making a plan to get free. And make no mistake you are a hostage to this situation.

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