Re: Need some support..need to hear positive stories!

[Scattybird]

Heros Journey – welcome to the forum.

I think toofat is right – you can’t change anyone. What you see with your partner is what you’ve got to deal with until she decides to take positive action herself.

I think Tiddler posed some important questions. What is it about your partner that you love? What is so special about her that makes you tolerate such apparent unhappiness?

It strikes me that you have been wonderfully tolerant, tried to understand her and been prepared to accept a lot. In return she needs to meet you in the middle, but that doesn’t seem to be happening or likely to happen from your description of her behaviour.

It seems that you’re also up against her friends. Also, you mentioned that she accused you of being menopausal? If you’re around that age (?) then you might want to ask yourself if you want to spend your middle age and later your old age living with that kind of constant stress. If you get to your front door and dread going into the house then you need to wonder about your life with her.

I know you asked for ‘positives’ but you need to balance an equation – does your love for this person outweigh the stress of living with her? I understand that you probably love her and want to ‘do the right thing’ and help her, but you owe it to yourself to remain sane and not lead an unhappy life. If a relationship leaves someone constantly stressed then maybe some hard decisions need to be made.

If the good times outweigh the bad times then good but if not…..?

You mentioned that you have a counsellor but your partner needs to see an ADHD expert. You obviously care deeply for her and it’s always better to try to make a relationship work, but take care of yourself too. I hope you manage to get help for her and you and that things work out well. On a positive note, medication can really help with emotional regulation so if she can get some professional psychiatric help then things could improve. In the short term, maybe give her space to play on the x-box, but don’t allow her to verbally abuse you.

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