Hey Gracious-again… 
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Well here are my thoughts on your situation:
Now I want you to know I can relate to your concern over your son, I am a mother and I have ADD; and I have experienced behavioral and developmental issues with my own child.
The first thing I want to say, is to make sure you are looking at your children as separate beings; with their own unique brains and challenges. It is often very easy for us parents to tack our own problems onto our children and assume that the way that we are ourselves, is the reason why our children are the way they are themselves. However, kids have their own experiences; and although their genetic make up is similar to yours; it is uniquely different.
I think it is important to look and see if there may be some other cause for his anxiety or speech issues. Looking deeper into your son’s world and his good and bad experiences could explain these issues. My kiddo also had a thing when learning to speak – from the ages of 3-7- with “th” and “F” sounds. They’d get mixed up. These have cleared on their own, and sometimes we all have our quirks when we’re young. I used to say “I founted it!” instead of ” I found it!…
I suggest learning some about childhood development. From what I learned, boys often potty train later than girls and aren’t developmentally ready for kindergarten at age 5, that is just the way that they are wired. These first years in school, children are having to deal with a lot. New social rules, and learning brand new and abstract concepts like numbers and letters and how they work together. That’s a lot for these little people, who not so long ago were toddlers. When you talk about your son’s letter recognition, it may just be ok. He may still be trying to wrap his brain around letters. We all learn differently- and not necessarily on track with a man made schedule . There are “standard deviations of the norm” so to speak- I couldn’t memorize the order of the months in a year as a kid- but I eventually wrapped my brain around it…
Maybe you could play letter games with him: Flash cards with prizes? Make it a game- when something is fun- we tend to remember it easier.
We all have our own sleep patterns and requirements. He may just be a kid who only needs 7-8 hours of sleep. My kiddo since the first sleep through night of my kiddo’s life, has been a 9-10 hour sleeper. I would sleep 10-12 hours a day if I had a choice. I looooove the feeling of sleep. Also I know that not having the patience to change his sleep and tackling that task seems hopeless, but I can tell you that working on this now- will help out so much later, and once you have dealt with it you won’t have to again. There are many methods to deal with this in a peaceful manner. I would suggest a bed time routine with a story, comforting and relaxing; a special blankey and stuffed animal to help w/the anxiety, a night light. Talking to your son about how he feels, comforting him about the sleeping arrangements would help too.
Have you ever watched Super Nanny? This show deals with behavior and bedtime issues, and actually helped me in dealing with my kiddo.
What I did with my child was the slow with-drawl method. (Something I read about.) First, I’d lay down or sit next to my child and rubbed their back. A couple days later, I’d move a few feet away from the bed, then couple days later to the door, then a couple days later, to the hall way, and then completely out of sight, all the while reading to myself or singing a lullaby. This way my child knew that I wasn’t vanishing, and wasn’t completely freaked out. My child was 2 years old at the time, so I don’t know if this needs to be adjusted for your son. But let me tell you, once my kid was used to sleeping on their own- my life was so much easier at night. There are probably some good books at the library on this kind of stuff too.
But your 3 year old is way to young to be thinking it’s okay to have free reign over the house at night, and it is dangerous. That to me sounds like a “Alright! I can get away with this!” kind of thing. Having clear boundaries, expectations and consequences for your children, can really help with behavior like this. I’m not advocating for spanking or yelling here either… I’m talking about stuff like “You got out of bed, and that’s not ok- you do not get to watch sponge bob tomorrow. If you get up again, there will be another consequence.” Taking away privleges, and not things that affect them emotionally on a security level is important too. Just as important is Positive Reinforcement. Star charts with prizes for good behavior really helped my kiddo overcome bad behaviors, and helped my kiddo learn to do things like brushing teeth on their own.
All that being said, listen to your intuition- you know your son better than anyone- but be careful not to lump everything onto “something’s wrong, I have ADD- so he must too.”
It is so good that you care so much about your children, and want to help them. Your kid’s don’t need a “kick in the butt”. IMO, that is ignorant advice. It is a good thing that you are paying attention to how your kids are doing in life!
Read some books, join parent support group, and find out if there is an organization in your area that provides free childhood development information and parenting classes. Those are some good ideas too.
Keep being a good mom. Once these things click for you, it’ll be second nature. I have been there myself as a parent and with my child’s behavior when it was really challenging.
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