Re: Not diagnosed yet but it fits so well–

[Anonymous]

It’s pretty amazing to finally understand myself. At 41 years old I think I’ve finally found something that ties all those odd things about me together. Was never a bad student, but not a good one. Could work endlessly on a task the was of interest to me, but starting or completing anything that else is a struggle. Always leaving things behind, books, coffee, toys, jackets, wallet, ID. Short temper, no patience. Frustrated, depressed, anxious, restless. Can’t sleep at night when it’s quiet not with this inner dialog, but I could nap at any time of the day. Redlights, lineups, traffic, detouring around construction delays, covering half a city during a snow storm to just keep moving. Always thinking when others are talking to me, never fully there mentally, I’ve moved on to the next thing. Commercials mean channel surfing or a trip to the bathroom, or for food, or a smoke.

I found every excuse in the book for my problems, and have managed to learn how to manage parts of my life better so the side effects of being me are not overly disruptive. I knew I was some how different I never understood why. Life is a series of compromises between what I what to do or need to do and what I have been told is acceptable, imposing all sorts of boundaries on myself to contain who I am because all I knew was that I made some people uncomfortable because I was too excitable, or could have a bad temper, or always had to add his input. Understanding what makes me me, helps me to remove some of those self imposed constraints allowing me to open up and be me. I don’t have to stifle or suppress who I am now that I understand what that is.

ADHD was not the explanation I was looking for but it fits like a very comfortable old glove. For the first time in a long time I feel hopeful and happy. This week I speak to the family doctor, a good guy with an open mind and knows my history going back to age 5 so fingers crossed that this ride to recovery is just getting started.

Happy holidays everybody!

Niall

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