The Forums › Forums › Emotional Journey › Is It Just Me? › Open Relationships › Re: Open Relationships
Based on most anthropological research, humans are not wired to mate for life. A very tiny percentage of mammals mate for life, and it appears that humans aren’t one of them. The whole concept of humans mating for life seems to have been imposed by moralists, in an attempt to create order, and formally declare the wife to be the husband’s property. Hence vows in which the groom promises to “love, honour, and *cherish* “, while the bride promises to “love, honour, and *obey* “.
Until recently (and STILL, in many parts of the world), women were considered property, not partners. Men went to war over them, because they wanted to snag the best (prettiest, most fertile, hardest-working) property, and then prevent others from taking it. The ultimate insult to a man would be to take (sexually) his most prized possession: his wife.
With the divorce rates so high (not to mention the endless parade of cheaters being exposed on trashy TV shows), it’s very clear that millions of people go into marriage, expecting to mate for life, but not fully understanding just what that involves, or being willing to completely abandon the freedoms & behaviours of singlehood.
A vow to stay together until death is a huge commitment and a *nearly* impossible ideal, because people change over time. Now, we’re even seeing marriages that lasted for 20 years or more, ending in divorce, because one or both partners realized that it was time to move on. Or, worse, 40-year marriages that descended into hatred around the 20-year mark, and are only “until death” because one partner is so financially dependent on the other, that they could never survive on their own.
(NOTE: I’m not talking about marriages in which one or both partner has ADHD or some other disorder that impacts the relationship. I’m talking about people who go into marriage without really thinking seriously about it.)
It’s sad, really, that as society places so much importance on having the biggest & best wedding—to the point where the major issue facing a bride is finding the perfect dress—it places so little importance on what really matters: the marriage itself.
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