Buz- try looking under the couch. 
turbo- thanks for reading 
. i’ve watched all the videos linked off the horizontal blue toolbar, (and they were good) plus the 2 ADDvanced info, and 5 or so sponsored ones about medication… and i’m working through the rest. i’ll have to see if i can find the documentary on canadian tv somewhere.
i’m not sure how savvy my doctor is, he’s young- so should have recent learning, but he’s really quiet, and doesn’t say much at all beyond ‘how is everything?’- which drives me nuts- it makes me go all blank, i say something semi-coherant, and then the room goes deathly silent, he hands me a prescription, and i scuttle off. he did have a nice questionnaire- i think his marking/scoring sheet told him the combined subtype bit.
i did follow up, he doubled the dose of the straterra- which is fine… its just.. i feel like i need more practical problemsolving type support … how to put it… um… my mother thinks i need a 12 step sponsor…i don’t feel ike i’m acheiving more than just numbercrunching pill-juggling stuff.
say i tell the doctor that i’m still having trouble getting things done and staying on target- that i’ve been trying different strategies and i’m feeling very exasperated because i keep realising at 1am that i didn’t get anything done that day, yet again… i get an insanely succinct response of ‘do you have a diary? planning your day and sticking to a routine is important’. and i’m thinking “yes, i KNOW that…. thats what i’m trying to do! argh!”. if i say i’m trying that and its not getting anywhere cos i forget to write in the diary and lose my list, get hypnotised by facebook for several hours, and then accidently wander off aimlessly to the mall, i get presnted with a bloody photocopied handout that uses several cartoon pictures and 5 paragraphs to effectively say that i should have a diary, cos planning your day and sticking to a routine is important when you have ADD. and i’m left thinking ‘no shit, sherlock- did we just have the same conversation?’.
careers councelling would be very handy. the place i went to for that recently just rewrote my resume, had me do fake interveiws, and got me to do an online careers programme, which says the same answers that they all say regarding my job suitability.
my partner is a good bloke really. he knows when to keep his mouth shut, and when to politely tell me that i’m being difficult. he just lets me get on with it (or not, as the case may be) though- and won’t drag me around or push or coax me, or try and keep me on target- because i just end up getting annoyed with him (even when i’ve asked him to do those things)- he says i’m sort it out when i’m ready. i feel ready- just bloody useless.
i probably just need a paid minion to dress me, drive me to some place of employment, and follow me around all day flicking me on the head repeatedly and yelling ‘pay attention! what are you doing? stop that!’. cos i’m apparently not managing to be proactive enough by myself to get anywhere. i feel like i’m inside an invisable dodecahedron and keep running at different walls, when in all actuality i’m probably just sitting in there looking at them, wearing myself out by thinking about banging my head against them.
thanks for your support.
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