thankyou rufus!
stratera has been my first try at an ADD drug, so i suppose it shouldn’t be a suprise to me that i haven’t lucked out with a magic fix (awww, crap!). i instinctively went in that direction cos of the low abuse potential (i dabbled with assorted ‘stuff’ in my teens and have quite likely inherited a super-duper genetic pre-disposition to addiction) but maybe it is worth a re-think- if nothing else i could see about just trying something different- no commitment- and having the lovely bf supervise the drugs (he’s totally addiction-proofed, somehow- doesn’t even bother with beer). i think i’ll look some stuff up (those patches look cool- and not very snortable- which is a bonus!) talk to the doctor about it, and see if i can find out in a roundabout way if any of his collegues specialise in ADD.
my volunteer work right now is evening, retail-based, and i do really love it. i look after little rescued adoptable kitties in a petstore- get them their dinner and some attention, encourage nice customers to take them home forever, problem-solve peoples random cat-related issues, walk around with a kitten or two hanging off me- talking to strangers (just like my mummy taught me not too, hehehe), listening to lots of ‘awwwwww!’s, being petted by people (the cat, not me so much) etc.
my placement co-ordinator thinks i’m nuts- cos i’m always doing 3 things at once and frequently forget what i was doing 2 seconds ago if i’m interrupted (and do a lot of doubling back!), but at the same time says she doesn’t know what she’d do without me, cos i’m also awesome- keen as mustard, completely unflappable in a crisis, wicked at using my initiative, and great at talking to people. thats a good sign. i should try and focus on the good signs more. it is definately good for the sanity and self esteem to keep busy- hard to overthink when you’re tiring yourself out.
i bet in the right circumstances i could do some short evening courses, or even work based training- a careers advisor could help me with that, i hope. just getting a taster of what sort of options are out there might make me feel a bit less stumped and more like i’m headed somewhere- even though i’m not entirely sure where that is!
i feel a lot more relaxed now, thankyou. everyone around here keeps telling me to be as kind to myself as i am to everyone else, and to remember how far i’ve come- i might have to start trusting their judgement there, and work on being less critical of myself. i’m gonna start a new list and put that at the top of it. 