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Re: Should I love my mother…or hate her?

Re: Should I love my mother…or hate her?2010-12-11T20:11:27+00:00

The Forums Forums I Just Found Out! No One Believes Me Should I love my mother…or hate her? Re: Should I love my mother…or hate her?


Patte Rosebank
Post count: 1517

@Deucedog, remember too, that your mother comes from a generation in which any sort of mental illness was a HUGE shame for the entire family.

Just a couple of weeks ago, I saw a piece on CBS’ “Sunday Morning”, about a man who finally found his sister, Molly, who had completely disappeared when she was just a toddler. As a child, whenever he’d asked his parents, “What happened to Molly?”, they made it very clear that Molly was gone, and he must forget she ever existed. He blocked her from his mind, until he was reunited with a very close friend from his childhood, who asked him if he’d ever found Molly. That re-kindled the vague memories, and he asked his parents again, “What happened to Molly?” They refused to talk about her, and it wasn’t until they’d died that he was able to search for her, and find the sister he’d lost over 50 years ago.

He discovered that she had been born with Down’s Syndrome, and has been living in institutions since she was a toddler, because that was what was standard practice back then. He even found a 1950s-era documentary, intended to show the world the lovely, happy conditions (which we now regard as inhumane) which existed in the then-state-of-the-art facility in which Molly lived. And there, in the film, was little Molly.

There are millions of others like Molly, institutionalized for their entire lives, because, back then, it was believed that you should send them away and forget about them, in order to protect the rest of the family from the shame. All those people, just discarded, when, if they’d had proper care, they could have accomplished so much.

I’ve even heard of a case of someone spending his life in an institution because he was diagnosed as “retarded” in childhood, only to recently discover that he had a near-genius IQ, but was hampered by ADHD.

So your mother’s anger and rejection of your theory about your siblings is a product of her time. Having one child who is “crazy” is bad enough. Suddenly discovering that all of them might have a little “crazy” in them is way too much for her to handle at once. She may eventually come around to at least consider it, but that’s up to her. If she doesn’t, well, that’s her problem, not yours.