Re: Still struggling with things…..

[Anonymous]

wow, Billy – my mom teaches in a Practical Nursing program and I know just how demanding it is! your bravery and willingness to “get back on the horse” show tremendous personal strength. that is something to feel good about all on its own, but I know it’s not that simple.

the four main self-esteem building practices that I find most helpful have already been mentioned:

1. find someone to talk to in a safe and confidential context who is able to offer objective insight. (Big A)

my family of origin is deeply dysfunctional. when I was young I could feel that something was wrong. I would press my parents for answers, but they always lied to “protect” me. this lead me to the “logical” conclusion that since I was sure something didn’t feel right, but I trusted my parents when I was told otherwise, clearly the “wrong” thing that made me feel so bad had to be ME! it wasn’t until I started working with my therapist that I was able to gain an understanding of what actually *had* been going on in my home growing up, which then allowed me to realize, process, and recover from my constant feeling that if something is wrong/lacking/unhealthy, it must be me.

2. talk to disability services at your school. (allovertheplace)

I was undiagnosed until I was 27/28 (I’m 30) and it wasn’t until the last month that I took the leap to speak with someone at my school about my diagnosis. I have been completely amazed by the support and grace I’ve been offered. where I felt stranded and alone before, I now feel reassured that the people around me care far more than I imagined they would.

3. make time for exercise. (mike in seattle)

even though it is suuuper difficult to fit it in sometimes, or get motivated or whatever, exercise really is a fail-safe way to improve one’s mood. until several years ago I had absolutely no experience or knowledge in resistance training/weights so I hired a trainer at my gym to help. so often I would walk into the gym feeling like a pile of wet dog $h!+ and after 50 minutes of getting my butt whooped, I felt relaxed and energized. also, my dad always says that “exercise is a bath for your brain.”

4. find ways to make service, kindness, and gratitude part of daily life. (Rick)

for this, I tend to like any kind of reading that helps keep my sense of empathy in my immediate consciousness so I can act on it as much as possible. one of the best parts about building empathy is that it allows for a gentler understanding of other people – and ourselves! plus, folks are much more likely to meet us with grace and kindness when they can feel it from us too.

in any case, Billy, there is no reason you should have to go through this alone. I have seen in my own life that every meaningful or significant growth/progress I have achieved is because I reached out for support from reliable and trustworthy sources, many of whom have been trained in meeting the needs I brought to them.

sometimes it takes time to find support that is both concerned /and/ able to help facilitate change (example: my mom /cares/ about my self esteem, but she was too entrenched in the family system to actually help me, because it destabilized her position in that system) but, there are many many resources available, and eventually you will find the ones that most benefit you.

you’re gonna be okay, but you should tell someone who can help that it doesn’t feel that way right now.

(although, these forums are certainly an excellent start!)

aaaaand, I just looked at the original post date of this thread.

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