Re: Tactile issues

[Anonymous]

So I just saw the documentary and joined the site this morning…please forgive my following verbosity.

So many things resonate, and I had no idea they could be associated with ADD. The sleep issues: 1) if I didn’t fall asleep before my ex-husband did, I would be awake for hours from the noise of his breathing, 2) Two of my sisters (one who was diagnosed more than 20 years ago with ADHD) say that can’t sleep under a sheet or blanket that’s too busy with colors or patterns, 3) I spent years learning how to quiet my racing brain through meditation & various tricks in order to be able to fall asleep at night.

Regarding the smell thing, my mother claims she can smell insects, which I’ve never heard of before.

Regarding self-medication: I have had a love-hate relationship with caffeine since I was about 11. I also come from a long line of alcoholics and addicts (but have thankfully not gone off the edge with drugs or alcohol myself).

I was never diagnosed because, unlike my hyperactive brother and sister, I was a calm, quiet child. However, I realize now at age 40 that my inattention and daydreaming, distraction, and lifetime of underachievement, despite moments of brilliance and acknowledged potential throughout, are classic ADD!

Despite working hard and achieving certain things that I consider successful (I sing and play, write, make folk art & jewelry, I graduated with a 3.99 GPA at the top of my class in college, etc.), I am unemployed, broke and divorced. I even had a recent interview with the HR director for one of my previous employers who said that I was a great pinch-hitter and could do several different things well, but that she was afraid I would get bored and move on quickly.

I feel like I’ve worked hard to be the kind of person I wanted to be, and that I have achieved a certain level of skill and competency (that is even acknowledged by others), but that I just can’t get the hang of the whole money thing, like I’m missing some important piece of information that everybody else got. I feel like a failure and an idiot even though I know I’m smart, talented and capable. I have no idea how to be successful professionally or financially. And when I look at my family, I see a lot of smart, talented people who have spent their lives getting by and not living up to their potential either.

I have racked my brain for years, read innumerable self-help books, studied every kind of spirituality, talked to people, seen therapists in the past who diagnosed me with depression but never ADD, and now that I think I’ve figured out what’s really wrong, I want to know how to change this detrimental pattern and start enjoying some actualized success.

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