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Re: Today is NOT my friend!

Re: Today is NOT my friend!2011-10-13T18:21:03+00:00

The Forums Forums Emotional Journey Venting! Today is NOT my friend! Re: Today is NOT my friend!


Post count: 929

Suzybear78, I totally understand the “there is no word” about how you’re feeling. I can’t possibly know exactly how you feel, that’s always true, we could be exactly the same in every way, yet still experience it differently. But Pain, this I do understand. The fear of “how much worse can this pain get” is an awful thing to let run around inside my head. Please remember

This too shall pass

By the time I finally watched that ADD and loving it documentary on PBS the third time and made the call, watched the DVD a bunch of times, like seriously , about ten. And I started to admit I needed some help; at age 46. It wasn’t that bad, but as soon as I admitted that I had a problem I needed help with. Whammo! The symptoms got worse, like a bad complex gone wild. I think maybe a lot of people go through this process with lot’s of different problems.

I’ve managed to not die self medicating through extreme mountain biken, surfing, etc., but let me tell you, I’ve come much much too close, not actually suicide attempts, or plans, but living a very dangerous lifestyle. I still have the cover of an old surfer magazine from 94 that says “The Joy of Fear” with a picture of a tiny little surfer on an enormous mountain of raging unimaginably huge wave [the surfer just looks small cuz the wave is about a 70 foot face…it’s stuck on my fridge next to my favorite place, the stove. Run a search on mavericks, or monster mavericks, for pictures. 94 was an epic year, unforgettable… moments of bliss mixed with extreme terror, doom, and so much adrenaline my tongue would sometimes go freakin numb!

I’m lucky and very grateful to be alive. The lyrics of a song come to mind. “God takes care of old folks and fools”, I used to be a fool. I’m less foolish now.

It freaks me out when all the new commercials for new antidepressant medz come on the telly, they always warn about how some medications are actually causing people to become suicidal. Please remember I’m not a trained therapist of any kind, I’ve had tons of good therapy. Fortunately.

Here’s why I think some people have a horrible time when they start new medz, it’s because we sometimes stop using all the coping skills we’ve used, (the healthy ones, not chasing adrrenaline) and expect the medication to do all the work. (we don’t do this on purpose) For me the work is reading here, A LOT, and re-reading. watching the video’s. I will print out the stuff I’ve said I would print out about a week ago as soon as I’m done here. Procrastination, and apathy can kill us while were still alive. Make sense? Alive, but not alive, mentally paralyzed… the videos here, They’re not therapy, but in this day and age they are an excellent resource for us, very therapeutic. You are not alone. Many people here care about your welfare and know how you’re feeling very much. Your experience is adding to the value of this web site. Please keep sharing and let us watch you recover from this awful can of worms that most of “generation X” seems to have. Some a lot, some a little. As we get older so many of what people call “senior moments” are actually, maybe… heck I don’t know, untreated ADD, and other related problems?. We all have crosses to bear, but the real truth is that life is not fair, some of us have huge heavy ones, others, well heck their life is a dang cake walk. Not all suffering is optional, most of it is. I.M.H.O Pain is not optional, just the suffering alone. We don’t have to do that. Pick up that 10 thousand pound phone and call a good listener, you know at least a couple, do what I try if you can‘t think of anyone really good, call any friend who isn‘t a gossip, say “I need someone to listen, not try to fix me“ (if that is the case) just call someone and tell them what you need from the friendship today.

I’m not an expert, but I’m feeling like helping you is really helping me at the very least. So thanks. I couldn’t sleep last night, got an appointment today, appointments stress me out. Deadlines are a terrible experience for me, and this one isn’t even very important. At all!!! It just upsets me tons when I’m late because I forgot something and have to get back outa my car, go back inside, the neighbors see me yet again making a trip back into my apartment for something I forgot. Ugh, I care too much about what people think, it’s safe to be myself here though. Of that I’m fairly sure, I know I have to take the risk and really let you guys see as much of me as I can stand to show. Maybe in about 10 years some of you guys may actually get to know me. It’s possible. But my head says “they’ll reject you, they won’t like you, you talk too much…” on and on. On to another imaginary onandonandonanonymous meeting hehe. Just needed to make a lil joke, I got a lil too serious there didn’t I?

Ack!!! Sometimes the clock speeds up lak crayzee man! sheesh

Peace new friend.


Just a quick PS, in my experience. Sometimes a N.P. or Nurse Practitioner, can be as good or better than a regular general practice doctor. They cost our insurance less, and many times spend that extra 15 minutes that a patient sometimes needs. The general practice doctors are under extreme pressure to see a gazzilian patients a day just to keep up with the demand for treatment in this quickly overpopulating world we’re surviving in. And to pay the bills like malpractice insurance etc.