Re: Understanding a partner with ADHD

[Anonymous]

Ava,

I would suggest that, if he is avoiding doing something he doesn’t like and “making excuses”, perhaps changing which responsibilities you each have might be the solution?

For instance, I can’t clean out the vacuum cleaner bag. Can’t do it. I had hot flashes the last time that much dust came in contact with my skin. My partner can’t tolerate the smell of the cat’s litter tray. So, I’m not expected to clean out the vacuum cleaner and he’s not expected to clean out the litter trays.

Or maybe the things he avoids are in parts – perhaps he might find part of the activity less painful than another part? He might do the part he’s comfortable with and you take over the rest?

We all love to see the people we care about achieveing things which were a challenge to them, but often being expected to do things that are difficult can cause undue stress. If he keeps seeing you accomplish a task without fuss and without feeling pressure to do the same, he may start to feel less anxious of failing at it and be more likely to want to try it out. The condition there, of course, would be that you don’t make him feel bad if it isn’t accomplished to perfection :-p

Rather than getting frustrated with things he avoids doing, try to find other ways of balancing it out. It’s about reducing stress and, as Dr J said, playing to each others’ strengths.

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