Re: What can be changed – and what can't be changed?

[Anonymous]

I think ‘do what you like to do’ could be confusing. Will offer myself as an example.

I love to write half-songs on my guitar. Highly motivated to write half-songs.

‘Music’ becomes demotivating when I try to turn my spontaneous self-expression into a goal-directed, serious project – i.e., finish the lyrics, arrange the song, record all the parts for it, including a decent drum track, and mix & master the thing.

Hell, even planning the gear purchases required for that is a beast. As is catching up with the software. Taking it further than that – getting a band and rehearsal space; actually rehearsing; booking gigs, etc seems very far away.

Not to toot my own horn, but some of my half-songs are very good. I want to do the things I described above. I studied music up to university and even performed semi-professionally. At that time, I was around other musicians who were happy to do the planning for me. I’m not anymore, so it’s up to me.

That is to say – I have the training, skill and desire to pursue this. But I am not.

If I just take my cues from ‘how I feel’ about it, it gets me no closer to my goal – 98% of what I need to do before I get there is aversive.

I like the idea of using values as a goal. Very much. I think this is brilliant. But – this is just in relation to me – I question whether what I claim are my values *actually* are, or whether I’m just justifying being comfortable, and putting off a more difficult but possibly more rewarding path. And not really accepting this compromise, or believing what I’ve told myself.

I have zero answers, but I think these are important questions. What are our strengths? How high or low do we set the bar? How much are we willing to risk? What is a safe risk? What is the cost of not finding out?

I’ve made serious errors in judgement about my ability to cope with certain things (set the bar too high) and paid quite a lot. Am now erring on the other side. To be honest, I’ve been avoiding focused self-reflection like that anyway. Not true, actually. I start, and find myself in circles. fwiw.

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