I’ve been doing tons of research on all kinds of medications, how we expect them to work has a definite, maybe not measurable, but a very real affect on how they work. I’m learning that our thinking actually has more control on our emotions than we realize. Faith, the placebo affect… This is helping tons with pain management. I originally found this therapist by going to a pain management support group. She has fibromialgia, so I’m also getting therapy about pain management, dealing with my disability, as well as the wreckage of ADHD.
I think maybe it’s how you look at it that makes it good or bad. With me for a while I felt like maybe I lost some of my sense of humor. Now I just see that I still have it, I have more choice about when and where to let myself have fun. I’m less impulsive.
I do still struggle with grinning when I think up something funny at an inappropriate time though. I can’t hide my emotions very much, sometimes not at all. I discovered a way to “wipe that smile off my face” That’s something parents used to say when I was in trouble, getting yelled at, but I would be in another universe laffin it up…. Both parents standing above me taking turns at grilling me. I would hallucinate!. I would see them get giant, then small, back n forth…. n off I’d go to my other universe.
wups. off topic… To make the impulsive grin go away, I blow out all my air, and don’t inhale… weird I know. But running low in oxygen probably triggers the same panic I used to relish wiping out in large surf. You just have to hold your breath or die… So it’s like instant absolute control over my face. The grin’s gone in a heartbeat. Adrenaline makes some people feel superhuman. That’s why there are so many people into “X Games” n extreme sports. These days. I don’t believe in the evolution that says we come from monkeys, I do believe that humanity is evolving. We were created this way.
So anyway, yeah I’m a clown and that’s how I cope. Just a little bit of ritalin gives me more control over the impulsive actions, thinking, talking. The wellbutrin makes a difference too. The first adjustment we made early in my diagnosis was to cut the wellbutrin in half. I started smoking tobacco again within about a week I think. The Prozac was the wrong medicine for me.
Yep, we’re more able to behave like a grown ups. Actually being a grown up is highly over-rated don’tcha think?
I’ve got some difficult homework from my therapist. Answering questions about my past, relationships, family history… That’s why I’m a bit more nutty that usual lately. She’s very ADHD, but the warm hearted, good people, down to earth, and honest kind. Isn’t that pretty much all of us? yeah, huh? So we go off topic and it may take longer, but I need to take therapy slow dealing with rebuilding my identity minus the low self esteem, piece of crap identity…
Pearl Jam is on PBS absolutely Rockin out! live… They ROCK. I love music.
Whoops, another long answer to a short question. It’s both good and bad.