I’m considering getting over my fear of smart phones to make a digital grocery list. because I also forget to write stuff on the list. oh I’ll write it later, how could I forget that I need xxxx?…>_<. I need to be supervised in the grocery store if I am just to buy a few items. If I take a handcart, I end up putting it in a shopping cart when I can’t carry it anymore! I have even tried walking to the store. I once ended up lugging 8 pounds of grapes (on huge sale and looked yummy) and a jug of milk and some etc half a mile when I just needed one thing. Really heavy for scrawny me! I think I finished one or two boxes, but I had a total of 11 boxes of cereal at one point. (i live by myself). ugh I really need to grow some self- control.
I am only a high energy person when I am overloaded with stimuli (however, not so difficult to do). I can be pretty lethargic. I need to exercise more, but it is an inferno outside and they closed the state parks for fire risk 
. i hate exercise that is not outdoors. I did outfit my bike with night lights so…
i want some chocolate…..
The med seemed to be going really well, but I have a horrid experience yesterday. However, there were a lot of other variables. I was really stressed and overwhelmed. a 13hr busy every moment day at work, 4 hours of sleep (woke up at 3:55am) to drive 2 hours to attend a 7:30am 10 hr conference where I had to present a poster. I’m usually a sleepy driver who cannot drive for more than about 40 miles without getting head bob. but with the med, i was flawless (good because driving is scary for me after my severe accident). The last few hours of my conference, I was so tired that I was afraid to drive the 30min freeway heavy traffic to go to my parent’s house. I guzzled some caffeine (ie mix with meds) and regretted that immensely. Tired mind in an active twitchy body kind of terrible. then I couldn’t sleep and had to endure day 2 of the conference. I absolutely must sleep tonight so I avoided the meds and caffeine. I don’t remember much of the conference. I had to take a nap on a hotel couch before driving (still couldn’t sleep <i have an insomnia problem in general>) and two driving breaks. so glad to be home safe.
I’m not sure what to think, really. except that I want to eat chocolate, get some sleep, and think about something else! because i need the meds (or something to help me focus and time manage enough to get 8 hours of work done in 11hr…because 6 in 11 is not cool nor sufficient to keep job) to fulfill the requirements of my job. Now what if I am speeding myself up to do a job (albeit one that has been my career goal/dream for the last 6 years and gobs of educationI)? that would be unacceptable. Maybe it was the caffeine + stress + sleep deprivation?
ooo i just remembered that I bought ice cream at the store.. dinner first..right?
thanks for listening!
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