Reply To: Christmas Ups and Downs

[blackdog]

Though the ADHD and ODD needs to be taken into consideration, I don’t believe it should be used as an excuse. We do have some control over our behaviour and we do have the capacity to understand when we are behaving in an oppositional manner.

lsdcat hit the nail on the head. Ignore unwanted behaviour, reward positive behaviour. This is called Behaviour Modification and when used in combination with natural consequences is extremely effective. Also, it should be discipline, not punishment. Punishment is very negative and unproductive. Contrary to popular belief, no child ever learned anything from being spanked, except how to lie to avoid being spanked. And that it’s okay to hurt people. Discipline means setting boundaries and guidelines and have set consequences for not following them. This is something that may be difficult for a parent with ADHD to do since you have difficulty with discipline and consistency yourself. But perhaps your family counsellor could help you with it, to work out a system that would work for both of you.

Also, as the others have suggested, getting to the root of the problem would be helpful. This sounds like a little more than just being a moody teenager with authority issues. It may be that there is something bothering him that he is not telling you. Or it may be changes in his hormone levels and/or brain chemistry. It could also be the emergence of a new  disorder. Depression can cause people to be surly and mean spirited. Perhaps some one on one counselling sessions or a private chat with a doctor would encourage him to open up and talk about it. Sometimes it’s just too awkward to talk to your parents about things.

As for Christmas, I love it too and I am a little depressed right now because I didn’t live up to my own standards for a “perfect Christmas” this year. I don’t even know where half of my decorations are, I haven’t done any baking and I didn’t even really manage to get the house cleaned up that much. But I am celebrating my accomplishments and making do with what I do have. I hung up some tinsel above the front window today and hung a little gold star in the center and I am very happy. The Christmas lights are reflecting off of it right now and making it sparkle. I realized after I put it up how much I had been missing it.

So my ADHD modification is that I am just doing things a little at a time as I am able. And I am still decorating even though Christmas Day has come and gone. I don’t say christmas is over because it isn’t. Not until the Epiphany/Twelfth Night, on January 6th.

It helps to count your blessings too, even though it sounds cliché. I have a roof over my head, more than enough to eat and we have heat and hydro, which makes us better off than many,many others..

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