Reply To: Christmas Ups and Downs

[shutterbug55]

I hear your frustration. I am wondering if I could relate my own experiences and ask a couple questions.

What is the consequence for having ADD/ADHD and ODD? How do you punish a child/person to correct their behavior, because they have one or both of these conditions?

I was always punished as a child for being… well… me. My behavior was unacceptable to my parents, so I was constantly being punished for things over which I had no control. I was not given the tools to recognize these behaviors let alone the tools I needed to correct them. So I turned from being a friendly social person, to being sullen and introverted. I got into less trouble that way.

Have you tried to see the world from his perspective?

Does he have the tools yet to at least recognize when he is being inappropriately argumentative?

Does he have the maturity to stop himself, when he starts down the path to an argument or protest?

 

I am sure the counseling you both are receiving is making difference. Perhaps asking the counselor for help for your son to express his frustration or discomfort in situations differently and for you for better responses?

I don’t remember you giving his age but you did say he is a teen. The teens are tough enough on normals. Add ADD, ODD and mom’s expectations to have a “great” Holiday, might be too much to ask of him.  From his perspective, disappointing mom again, might be too much pressure and a self fulfilling prophecy leading to certain disappointment.

In wonderfully inspired moment, my parents let me sit in my room and mourn the loss of a dog I had known my entire life. While not the happiest Christmas for me, it was one of the best. I did not have to live up to anyone’s (unreasonable) expectations. I could feel happy or sad or just be alone if I wanted. All they asked of me was “What do you want to do?”

Even better than that, my brothers and sisters were ABSOLUTELY forbidden to mess with me.

 

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