Reply To: Does anyone else have friends?

[jojosephine]

Thanks for your responses.

So I did it. I went out for some fine Indian Cuisine by myself. I “pretended” to read a book. Now I say “pretend” because I had fully intended on reading it, but found myself distracted by the conversations around me. I really enjoyed listening to other people’s conversations on my own terms without having to pay attention to paying attention or worry about blurting out inappropriate things at the wrong time. Then I went to a coffee shop and did the same thing. It was nice.

Last weekend my hubby threw a surprise birthday party for me. Most people would have flourished in the delight of it all. The first thing I thought of was OMG, ‘what state is the house in?’. I mean my hubby tidied up and did the floors where the guests were going to be hanging out. But the fine details that other people see, like the mirror in the bathroom, the toilet, and the layers of dust etc, etc. I usually spend days cleaning before people come over.

Then I was petrified by fear.  I have to talk with all these people and not be distracted or impulsive? Which, I am so aware of now. I must have come across as real sketchy. My hubby put a lot of heart and soul in this. It actually stressed him out a lot and really appreciated it, but my husband doesn’t understand how hard it is to deal with this. I found I had a lot of internal checking the whole evening. I was exhausted by the end of it.

This has made me think about my friendships throughout life. Every year I had one close friend that usually associated with a group of friends. (I always saw people with one close buddy within a group. I often cam in and out these groups, usually attached to someone if there was a solo person in the group). More often though I would break-up a ‘buddy duo’ and attached myself to the most appropriate candidate. I had this power that I could with my smarmy personality rip friendships apart and take who I wanted for my buddy, which is weird because I had/have such ridiculous low self-esteem.  My friendships with my buddy were very close, full of adventure and a lot of fun, usually “pushing the envelope”. These births and deaths of these friendships always coincided with the school year. My family would move to the family cottage for the summer and I guess I didn’t keep in touch. I don’t know if it even bothered me that these friendships ended. I welcomed the change and the excitement of getting to know someone new. Anyone out there have or had this pattern?

Anyways, Are there no adult ADD support group cause we are “socially awkward” ? or because there just isn’t the population out there?

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