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Reply To: I don't understand the emo roller coaster

Reply To: I don't understand the emo roller coaster2013-10-27T23:16:04+00:00

The Forums Forums For The Non-ADD I Married An ADDer I don't understand the emo roller coaster Reply To: I don't understand the emo roller coaster


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You have hit upon perhaps the most devastating aspect of adult ADD. Many with ADHD have a string of one or more failed marriages, an indication that relationships, where ADHD is involved, often becomes strained. You may get a variety of answers and suggestions to your question “How do you guys with significant others with ADHD deal with such things?” From one with moderate ADD, this is mine.

Learn all you can about ADHD.


might give you an insight into how the ADHD mind works.


addresses relationships. There is a book “The ADHD effect on marriage” which is good.

As you mentioned, actions and responses from an ADHD individual can often be . . . unexpected. People with ADHD are often misunderstood. As you learn more about ADHD, you may come to recognize ADHD behaviors. Hopefully this will help you to understand what is going on with him allowing you to better cope as well as to be able to help him. He may have other issues such as aspergers or depression.

Psychcentral.com has self tests for a variety of “mental conditions.” I would suggest that you go to the site and take some of the assessments beginning with that for ADHD. Not that you have it, but that you can see what issues and behaviors are present. (Note: Often behaviors among ADHD are entirely different. E.g. Some can’t stop talking, others say very little. Some anger easily, I don’t.)

There are you tube videos of Russell Barkley which have no nonsense information as well as a whole bunch of good videos here on this site. Keep in mind that the ADHD brain exhibits definite differences in structure and chemistry. It is not an intelligence issue. There is a strong genetic component.

Many with ADHD are misdiagnosed as depressed and given meds for depression. Depression meds for ADHD where depression is not present aren’t going to do any good.

Perhaps the best thing your husband has going for him in his dealing with his ADHD is that you “Love him to bits.” If so, then learn all you can about ADHD so you can provide the support he needs. In the process I believe you will find you can handle his ADHD much more easily.

Finally, it’s good to have you here on this site.  I wish we had more non-ADHD spouses etc. to help us get a better feel for what issues you face with us.  Otherwise, it’s like the blind leading the blind.