Reply To: Is it a me thing, or an ADD thing?

[Scattybird]

Hi – the answer is possibly both – but with a weighting towards it being an ADD thing.

If I remember correctly from your other posts you are still relatively young? Bearing in mind we’re all a bit behind in the mental maturity game, you’re possibly still finding out about your likes and dislikes in other people and we all change as we get older so those likes and dislikes also change.

However, what you describe (at least in my opinion) is typical of ADD. Routine and things being the same are recipes for mind wandering for us.

The ideal is a caring partner who loves us dearly but has spontaneity.

Sadly our ‘community’ is littered with failed relationships, a higher than average divorce rate and single folk who haven’t found the right person. At least that’s my reading of the anecdotes and stats.

It does sound like you over analyse though. Try to enjoy someone’s company without the psychoanalysis and see what happens.

I have never found Mr. Right and don’t believe he exists. But I can’t visualise myself in a permanent relationship – I look at friends who are and their lives seems rather dull. But they are happy so that’s my failing somewhere along the line. On saying that, it must be lovely to have a partner that you can trust, share your life with and be your soul-mate.

You don’t want to be in a relationship for the sake of it though. So many people seem to feel peer pressure to have a partner and it’s not necessary until the right person comes along. But if you find someone that you fall in love with, you will need to respect them for who they are and take the rough with the smooth. I suspect it’s very hard for someone with ADD to control the emotional impulses and make a partner happy, or be really happy themselves if they are continually curbing their thoughts and feelings. But hard is not impossible or even improbable and it’s potentially rewarding.

Try not to over-think your relationships and respect your partner for who they are, faults and all – just enjoy their company and if you can’t, then they are not right for you. If they don’t make you happy then don’t commit. The problem I have found is someone can make me happy for a short time and I am fiercly loyal and they are my world and then, yes, boredom sets in – they haven’t changed, but my brain can’t cope with routine or a feeling of being ‘captured’. The newness is a novelty and being liked/loved is nice, but then the novelty wears off. Like you I am not sure if that’s me or an ADD thing, but either way it’s who I am. Now I avoid getting involved because I don’t want to be trapped, nor do I want to hurt someone. I am also old enough to be comfortable as I am and rely on friends chosen over the years for company. I used to attribute it all to having a s**t father who made my Mother’s life hell – I never wanted to fall into the same trap as her. But as I have aged I think it’s more than that because there are a lot of nice men out there who would be delightful people to be with….for someone other than me. Also, I was diagnosed quite late in life and suddenly my attitudes and behaviour make sense.

So my vote goes for it being an ADD thing.

 

 

REPORT ABUSE