Reply To: Mom of 29 yr old ADD daughter needs advice!

[Evelyn]

All really good posts and answers to your question. These people saved my life after I found myself without a support system. I didn’t realize how much my family and my Mother in particular helped me until they weren’t there anymore.

I took on the roll as caregiver in their declining years. Such a valuable time.

The issues they helped me with daily seemed small seemed like just chit chat, but I later found out that they were my external regulators, because I couldn’t regulate myself. I used our conversations to try out ideas, get advice, and prioritize my actions. Without them I ran around like a chicken with my head cut off.

They didn’t know what their role was, and worse I didn’t know what their role was at the time. But they knew how smart and talented I was, and always told me I could do anything I put my mind to. Be anything I wanted to be. That didn’t seem helpful, so open ended. Had they known what their role was I think it would have been more helpful. They might have known what I was best at and helped me find my path to get there. At the very least they could have helped me see where my strengths were and guide me into using those to come up with solutions to implement structure in a way that made sense to me.

It is so good that you are checking out this website, you will see bits and pieces of your daughter in every story, video and chat. Encourage her to look through this website too. It might take her a while, it was six months to a year before I took this stuff seriously. I was in denial “Big Time” but the loss of my support system gave me no alternative. I was losing everything I had, on top of losing them.

To say that she needs you is an understatement, if she has half the issues I had, and still have, her sanity depends on you.

I am going to parrot the advice already given, but with a twist, watch the little victories she has, notice where she does well, (actually I think someone else did say this, sorta), and try to see her process, even if you are part of her process. then help her to see her own process. She won’t jump right in with recognition and take over her own life but she will begin to see how she can accomplish things more often, stay on track more, and possibly be overwhelmed for shorter and shorter lengths of time.

I spent days and weeks in overwhelm, the whole year after my step dad passed away, the very last of my support system, I was overwhelmed 90% of the time. Lucky for me I found this website in the darkest part of that year. Slowly, I started having moments of clarity, this year I finally found the motivation to take care of myself. I held a job, paid my own bills, felt real confidence for the first time in my life.

With your guidance, and foresight, she may get through to her own self confidence easier that I did. And the lovely thing is, is that you are still here to celebrate the discovery with her. I get giddy when I think about my Mom smiling with pride because she always knew I could do it. My Dad would just lean back in his chair, throw one leg over the arm an put one hand lazily on the back of his head and smile a sheepish, more like a “knowing” grin.

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