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I agree with blackdog that it’s probably a good idea to talk to your doctor and find out.
I can relate to a lot of what you are saying, and just assume that it is part of the ADHD – the “emotional disregulation” part where once a mood gets underway, it’s like a freight train, unstoppable and extremely heavy and potentially destructive.
What I find is that the best thing to do – and this can be difficult, because the obsessive thoughts are LOUD and insistent, and have a kind of gravitational force that traps me until it burns out on its own – is to do ANYTHING – anything at all – to get my mind on something else. Run out in a rainstorm. Watch half a dozen comedies. Put on happy music. Smell a jar of cloves. Some kind of sensory experience that won’t allow me time to think.
Because if I’m in that state, I could spend six hours crying on the floor next to my washing machine. And that’s no fun at all.
My kids didn’t get free school lunch because I forgot to fill out the forms. Or they didn’t get to go on their field trip. Or I didn’t make it to the school on curriculum night and now have no idea what’s going on. I was supposed to plan a cool birthday party and totally screwed it up. I know the feeling. You are not alone.
It’s funny, I used to be an artist. I was a painter. That’s all visual analysis – looking at stuff, adding stuff, mushing it around. But I would go nuts in my studio. I would obsess and talk to myself and cry and rant and pace and generally feel depressed as hell. In the past few years, I’ve shifted my focus to creative writing. What I’ve discovered is that when I’m writing, there’s no room in my hyperactive little mind to obsess about mundane stuff. I’m fully engaged, and all the emotional garbage I go through becomes a resource for emotions on the page – I can actually use that stuff in a constructive way in the lives of the characters in the story.
As a result, when I’m writing, my life feels pretty perfect. When I’m not writing, I go back to nutty squirrel land, and usually in just a matter of days. But my point is, if you can’t fight it or stop, maybe you can transform or channel it into something else.
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