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Reply To: One of those days…

Reply To: One of those days…2013-11-27T19:02:49+00:00

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Hi there,

Thanks for response!

I’ve been thinking about this all morning: after several bouts lately of seemingly  disproportionate reactions to my perceived failures, i.e: days of sever depression, crying, irritability, anger, etc, I am now starting to wonder if I don’t have a co-morbid mood disorder.

I used to think I got into these funks because I go through periods of low-self esteem, but I am beginning to wonder if there isn’t more to it. I have had episodes of Major Depression since before I was even a teenager, though I was  not diagnosed until much later. I had years where I didn’t suffer at all. lately however, I’m realizing that I go through shorter, but intense bouts of depression that leave me feeling exhausted and spaced out. I’m wondering now if I don’t have something like Bi-polar II. I don’t know, lord knows I don’t need yet another label, but I am really starting to get concerned with how my mood will plummet for days over perceived inadequacies or failures. I seem to lose all perspective for a few days, and when I come out of it I feel kind of mentally/emotionally  wiped out.

I don’t experience anything like real mania, so I’ve never even entertained the thought I might have some form of bi-polar, but I’m starting to wonder.

It seems to go beyond just accepting myself, as some days, I am A.O K with whatever monumental mistake(s) or awkward interaction I have. Much of the time, I don’t read to much into people’s behavior. Something just happens sometimes–something triggers me and switch seems to get flipped.

So, while there is definitely an element of low-self esteem that I have to contend with from years of perceived failure, I dunno–I am beginning to suspect something else might be going on besides the ADHD. Very difficult to tease these things apart at times.

Interestingly, I never seemed to have this problem when I lived in Southern Arizona, which is where I lived at the time I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was 24. I remember being quite A.D.D, but otherwise pretty even-keel. I was then, as am now a pretty hardcore athlete and mountain biker, so I thought maybe all that exercise had something to do with it.

However, for the last 15 years, I’ve lived in the Pacific Northwest, and I can honestly say that there has been an increase in both Major depressions and these shorter bouts since being in this gloomy part of the world–and  I’ve been mountain biking/training/lifting weights again for over a year, and this is still happening. Yikes! I have a life up here with my Canadian husband–should we move somewhere sunny? Am I imagining this potential correlation? Well, I digress.

In any case–interesting, SBWA, you and Blackdog describe yourselves as introverts: extroverts get all the A.D.H.D attention, so to speak, don’t they?! I believe my husband has A.D.D, and he is clearly an introvert. While he can certainly socialize when he wants to, even be the life of the party at times–usually, he doesn’t want to. It takes way to much out of him. He would probably never, ever go to a party or a  social function if it weren’t for me.  If I want him to go to a school play or event for our son, I have to really bring out the big guilt guns.  Remembering birthdays, phone calls, anniversaries, etc…not his bag–which is o.k, I remind him to make plans to take us out on our Anniversary, and I don’t take that personally.  He hates to answer the phone with what I can only sometimes describe as a pathological passion.

Interesting how we can all be so different yet still suffer from the same darn thing!

Anyway, that’s my 2 cents for today. I’m trying to figure this all out because I’m so tired of suffering…I’m getting to old for all these ups and downs! (O.K, early 4o’s, but still)

Thanks for listening…!