The Forums › Forums › Emotional Journey › Ups and Downs › Positive Feedback › Reply To: Positive Feedback
Yup. I can relate to all of that. I used to ask the same question: what’s wrong with being “needy” or wanting attention? It wouldn’t actually take that much – a kind or encouraging word can go a long way toward alleviating stress and tension, and increasing optimism.
I try to do that stuff for myself, but the problem is that when I’m in the depths of turmoil, I don’t and can’t remember to do it. I need my emergency kit on the wall, and to change it up often so it doesn’t become like wallpaper. Yeah sure, I’m going to get on that project right now. Funny thing is, if I had to hand in my daily list of affirmations to another person once a week, I’d actually remember to do it.
It is not a crime to have needs. What does seem to be a crime is when our needs don’t match the needs of the majority. They’re upset because our needs don’t conform to their expectations – what we need is different from what they need – and they can’t understand why we need it. If they were the only ones with those needs, I bet they’d be changing their tune about what kind of needs are legitimate.
You wouldn’t believe how many times I’ve had some person screaming at me, “You’re in the minority!” Gee, ya think? And yet although I’m in the minority, I’m such a huge threat that they have to yell at me? How does that work, exactly? Go figure.
The whole world of employment or unemployment can be a nightmare. I am so easily overstimulated. I really need to work alone, with a few other people maybe in the same office, far away at their desks where they won’t bother me. I can’t think with other people scratching around in my space. I can’t be having chatty conversations. I need to be doing solitary work, where I’m calm, focused, and at my best. How many jobs are like that? Are there any jobs like that? Working with ideas, not people. Being an artist is fine, but there’s no money in it. Being a writer is marginally better – still, not easy to earn a living.
I can appreciate how you might feel like you’re not disabled, because we’re not stupid people. We know things. We can do stuff. We’re not incompetent. We’re not ignorant. There’s nothing wrong with who we are or how we think. Being able to call on our skills in a context where those skills have value is a completely different issue.
I’m kind of at a point where it’s like, hey, I’m 50 years old, and I’m not going to change. I am who I am. I’m tired of trying so hard – and I mean exhausted, burned out, maxed out – to contort myself to fit into impossible situations. I’d rather just not go there. And I’m fine with the concept of being “impaired” because clearly I am impaired, if impaired means there are certain environments where, despite my best efforts and intentions, I can’t be successful no matter how hard I try. There are many things “normal” people can do with ease and comfort that take a huge amount of energy for me – on a Herculean scale. And there is never any reward for that effort. No money, no kudos, no support.
I believe everyone with ADHD deserves some kind of gold medal for effort, perseverance, and courage under fire. We’re probably the only ones who will ever understand how hard it is just to get through the day.
My mind is quiet for about thirty seconds when I wake up in the morning. It’s downhill from there. But it’s weird how much perception creates my reality. When my state of mind changes, the world changes with it. There isn’t just one objective world out there for me – it is constantly in flux.
REPORT ABUSE