Thank you – Cassatt for homing in on creativity, which I have in spades still but find hard to channel. I do have happy memories from childhood, and was accepted and protected by my family. Everyone skipped over my shoplifting phase, jumping out of cars in order to run until exhaustion, jumping off anything with height, the cutting of my body with scissors stage, general awkwardness, being romantic, gullible, not retaining friends or being part of a group, day dreaming, being punished constantly at school for non co operation – my parents accepted all this and so much more, and home felt safe and free.
My mother without doubt also had ADHD – depression, self loathing, a low boredom threshold, excitable, restless, emotional, unpredictable…she was also smart, funny and very attractive. My father too – they were a glamorous couple.
Home was always my sanctuary – I now have real problems with leaving the house, although therapy, time and understanding are helping a lot.
Dear Hullupoika, you are awesome for sharing so much of your story, and I will get to see the bright side. I want to – all the way through my crisis which resulted in a diagnosis of ADHD, I believed and trusted my Doctor, Therapist and friends who all said ‘you will are ill, and you will get well’. The trust that I had in recovery is still there – I just need to come to terms with ADHD now. I know that we only have the future and can’t do anything about the past. These are easy words though aren’t they. I am aflame with shame about so many things that I have said and done, especially in adulthood ( and sex )
Thank you shutterbug for outlining the steps. I think I am between steps 3 and 4 although I am still struggling with other peoples perceptions of me – being a perfect ‘good’ girl was always important, hence my retrospective guilt and shame. The good news is that through therapy I have got rid of ‘ ought, should and must’ and now use ‘prefer’.
Pain, trauma, suppression of real and genuine feelings and responses – it’s a welcome if challenging Pandora’s box following diagnosis. I still wonder what everyone privately thought of me, but feel fellowship with you and better for the your generosity in replying and sharing your stories and information. xREPORT ABUSE