Reply To: "You know how I know you have ADD?" – My Story

[blackdog]

Hi @baj8881

I am not taking time to read the other responses here, so forgive me if I am repeating what has already been said.

Diagnosis:

I would say that not filling out your name and the date at the top of the test doesn’t prove anything. It’s not like you were expecting to do it, or you were told you had to, and it wasn’t necessary to do it so why would you? I get what the doctor is saying, and it is a “typical” ADD thing, but I just don’t think any assumptions should be made because of it.

The best way to tell if it is ADD is to think back to your childhood. Have you always been like this? Or did your symptoms begin later in life? It certainly sounds like ADD, but lots of other things can cause the same symptoms. Has your doctor ruled all of these out? (ie; depression, anxiety, stress, brain injury…)

Early onset dementia is a possibility, but I would say that you probably don’t need to worry about it. If that is the case, then the symptoms would have started very recently, and you have indicated that it goes back at least to when you were in college.

If you are a middle aged woman, and particularly if you are approaching menopause, your hormone levels are probably out of whack, and that can have a big impact on memory and mood and pretty much everything. If you also have ADD, it can seem like you are going out of your mind, as any of the women here of that age will tell you.

Medication:

Finding the right medication and the right dosage takes time, sometimes months or years. You need to make sure that you stay on the medication long enough to tell if it is working or not (typically about 4 weeks). It is also important to start at the lowest possible dose and very slowly increase it. (Some doctors will try to increase very quickly. Don’t let them.)

Medications that will work for some people will not work for others. Some people develop anger issues when they take amphetamine based meds, which might be what happened to you. And some people are extremely sensitive to stimulants and just can’t take them at all. Have you tried any non-stimulant meds? If not, that might be something to look into. There is also a small percentage of people with ADD who just do not respond to meds at all (I think about 30% but don’t quote me).

Counselling:

It is difficult to find a counsellor/therapist who understands ADHD. If you feel like you are not communicating well with the one you have, consider finding a new one. If you can afford it, try looking for an ADHD coach. You could also look for support groups in your area, though they are are to find.

 

Your Husband:

Have you considered divorce?

Okay, I’m not seriously suggesting that. But this makes me feel like suggesting it:

“My husband is fed up with me. He tells me that he feels like he’s raising another child and he’s tired of telling me to do the same things over and over. If I cared, I would fix it. If I can’t do something as simple as shutting a dresser drawer, how can he rely on me for big things? Parenting decisions? Financial ones?”

He could not possibly be more wrong.

First, how does forgetting to close a dresser drawer make someone incapable of making decisions about parenting or finances? How are the two things even related?

Secondly, that is just not how ADD works. There are plenty of people out there who have ADD, who also forget to close their dresser drawers, and who also happen to be doctors, paramedics, firefighters, teachers and caregivers… even accountants and lawyers.

Forgetting little things like closing your dresser drawer does not make you incapable of doing “big things”.

Finally, and most importantly, it is not your fault. You have a disability. Saying that if you cared you would fix it is like telling a woman who is confined to a wheelchair that if she cared, she would get up and start walking.

As for feeling like he is raising another child, I would probably respond something like this…. 😛

Which  is the one who is really acting like a child? The one who is trying her best to be responsible and take care of things, and feeling guilty for not being able to do it all, or the one who is complaining about how he has to be all grown up and responsible?

 

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