impulsivity and perfectionism – frustrating combination! anybody else?

[ashockley55]

So, I haven’t had my ADD confirmed yet, but I have an appt. on February 13th. I’ve read Dr. Adler’s “Scattered Minds” and I’m working on “You Mean I’m Not Lazy, Stupid or Crazy?!” now. They’ve both read like my autobiography.

I want to run these “symptoms” (or personality traits?) by everyone and see if they sound familiar…

I want. I want, I want, I want. I’m impatient to get what I want. As soon as I have what I want in sight, I impulsively get it. Later, I realize that I am unhappy with it and try to return it, or fix it, or get something better.

This could manifest in something as simple as purchasing and returning make-up, or a hair product, but more recently it entered the grand scale when I needed to purchase a bed. I went online, found the cheapest bed I thought I liked, went into the local store, purchased the bed sight-unseen. When I got the bed, I found out I didn’t like the gap left at the foot of the bed between the end of the mattress and the footboard. It was an impulsive purchase made because I was impatient to get a bed. I didn’t like the pillowtop mattress I bought sight-unseen either. Then I spent a week fretting about what to do. Return the bed? Return the mattress too? I ended up going to the store, picking out something else, again, impulsively, exchanging, driving off unhappy still, driving around all over town to every furniture store like driven by some mad motor, then finally calling the store and telling them to cancel the exchange, I would just keep what I have.

I do this sort of thing constantly. It’s a viscious cycle. Want. Get worked up, impuslive, impatient. Purchase. Become disappointed with some issue with the product. Return.

I did the same thing with my car (except return it). I wanted a blue car, but when I walked onto the car lot they had red. I bought it. I didn’t shop around, I didn’t look at other car places, I just vaguely thought, “I’d like a Toyota” or a Honda, but I happened to go to the Toyota dealership first, got in a car, test drove it, then financed it and drove off with the car. Very impulsive, very impatient to get what I want, ie, a car. I’ve been happy enough with it, though I do still wish from time to time I had a sleek, dark blue or black car like I’d wanted. Seems maybe the red was a purchase my subconscious made knowing I have ADD; the color is called “impulse red.”

What in the world? Does this kind of thing sound familiar to anybody?

Is this an ADD thing?

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[Outoftune]

YES!!!

The short answer is YES completely! You sound exactly like me in this regard! Especially the feeling driven to make impulsive decisions yet the perfect decision! It’s a battle we are bound to lose! I love that you used the makeup/beauty product example! Several years ago I was modelling and was fixated on finding the perfect shampoo, mascara, lip gloss, hair color etc… It got to the point that my hair started breaking off from getting my hair highlighted then darkened then highlighted then darkened trying to get the perfect shade. I was going to the salon every 2 weeks and had to start going to different salons so they wouldn’t ask questions. I would literally go to a beauty products store every day or everyother day and purchas a new mascara, lip gloss, what have you and the next day decide it wasn’t right for me and the next day be back searching for the perfect mascara, shampoo etc…

It got so bad my husband was so concerned at all the money I was wasting on this pointless cycle and we added up how much I had been spending and looked at my stash (containing at least 30 shampoos, mascaras, lips glosses etc…and lets just say my heart sank to the floor! It was probably over a thousand dollars on shampoo alone and who know how many hundreds of makeup products not to mention the salon bills EEEEKKK!!! Then i got out of modelling and got back into horses and it shifted to finding the perfect saddle, bridle, horse feed, etc… I was diagnosed with ADHD combined type with severe rating especially in the impulsive category and since starting treatment it has gotten alot better! I haven’t even been in a tack store (place where they sell horse equipment) since.

I find that there is still that underlying urge screaming at me but barely noticible and is becoming less and less to get fixated on what would be the perfect feeding plan for my horse and I have gone one or two times to many to the feed store however bags of feed are under $20 so that beats an $800 saddle by a long shot! lol I’m quite proud of myself and how much money I’m saving! It’s a great feeling to have that never satisfied feeling finally subside and finally for the first time ever in your life feel mostly contented with yourself and what you have! Good luck with the diagnosis! I bet it will change your life! I was only diagnosed a couple of weeks ago and It’s already changed mine!

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[ashockley55]

oh, THANK YOU! I feel so validated! ha ha! To use a therapy term. Wow.

I really feel like I have found The Thing. I have been diagnosed, in the past, with depression and OCD, then when I started bringing up those restless, impulsive, shop-a-holic, insomnia symptoms, I got slammed with a bipolar disorder diagnosis and put on some pretty harsh drugs to treat it. Those drugs helped with my depression and insomnia, but I still had that inner restlessness and that drive to perfection, mostly through shopping and purchasing The Best product. Plus, I gained 100 lbs.

So much else is coming out and smacking me upside the forehead as ding! ding! ding! this is YOU! the more I read about this condition. Wow.

Thanks again for the validation! I have so much hope.

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[munchkin]

What I’ve noticed after getting diagnosed recently and a few months of being on meds (Concerta):

The meds slow my brain down and I’m able to see the big picture a lot better. So I don’t end up in these perfectionist loops. I can’t explain why or how – it’s just better.

Also… I think part of the perfectionism might be from years of knowing there was a problem – but what the heck was it???!!! So, it’s like, by being more perfect at everything, hopefully it was going to fix whatever was wrong. It’s like an obsessive need to quit screwing stuff up has made me super picky and fussy.

Knowing I have ADHD and understanding what that is helps a lot. It is making me feel like I have a direction to get better, so I don’t feel so desperate and anxious to make things perfect. I’m more patient as time goes along (but still pretty antsy).

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[ashockley55]

Oh yes, Munchkin good point! I agree, I do think a lot of the perfectionism has to do with trying to make up with perceived deficits from living our lives with this disorder – not fitting in socially, continuously making mistakes. Yes, yes, yes.

I think my mom also has ADD, and she is a hoarder. I grew up in a very dirty, cluttered home. Love my mama, but that is the truth! As a result, I keep my place very sparce, and I continuously go through my stuff, throw out things, organize and re-organize. Part biology, part experience – nature and nurture definitely!

And yes to the antsy!

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[kc5jck]

Ash – In coming up with coping strategies for ADD, some may seem to border on OCD. I am “religious” about keeping my credit cards and money in my left pocket, keys and knife in the right with cell phone in back pocket. If for example the knife gets borrowed, I’ll stand and wait until it is returned. Then back into the pocket it goes. I seldom lose these items. Unless the daughter comes and asks for money, then it’s gone for good.

Toofat eats the same thing for lunch every day. Some of us buy only one type and color of socks. The list goes on…

Your cleaning may seem like OCD to some, but as you indicate most likely comes from a desire to avoid being like you mom as well as enjoying the benefits of a clean and clutter free home.

I suppose if there is a good explanation for a behavior, it’s not OCD. Sounds like you have one.

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[ashockley55]

I think you’re right! I’m definitely realizing that a lot of my supposedly eccentric/anal/OCD behaviors are absolutely coping mechanisms for ADD! (Although, I do have OCD – I do the tapping, touching until it “feels right” thing to keep people I love from dying or other bad things from happening, oy!)

I only buy the one type and color of socks!! I totally do! ha ha ha!

Also, I do the thing where I stand there and wait for my pen to be returned if someone is using it. If they walk off with it to give it back later, I get so nervous! I hate being put off for something I need with, “I’ll get it later” or “I’ll give it back in a minute” or “Remind me.” Remind YOU?! Now I have one more thing on my brain to remember when it can barely keep up with just the normal stuff!

Gosh – ADD diagnosis, where have you BEEN all my life??

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[Anonymous]

munchkin – Thank you for your recent post

I have been recently diagnosed and on Concerta as well. Being able to see the big picture and having my brain slow down or as I call it having a ‘ my clear mind’ has been tremendous.

As far as perfectionism, impulsiveness and being obsessive it seems I deal with the same issues.

For me it seems it has been an endless cycle of frustration.

There is a direction forward and I have to be patient (patience isn’t my strong suit either)

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[ashockley55]

Good luck, Robert! I hope things go well! I’m awaiting my appt. Feb. 13, I hope to have my (self)diagnosis confirmed!

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[Anonymous]

omgs finally the answer i was looking for the OCD thing and cleaning I feel as if i cant think with mess aroun d and get sooo frustrated…I obsess over small mindless things that dont make sense and things that dont matter…i feel so just oddball…sadly my adderall was sending my anxiety out the roof and ocd even worse so they switched me to wellbutrin hoping that it may help since it is alreayd used for anxiety and ocd and now trying for some ppls adhd…pray for me that it works bc sadly stimulants slow me down but make my anxiety and ocd shoot out the roof. I thank you all for making me feel normal i always sit and wonder and obsess is this really my issue and what if they made a mistake..what if i really am crazy and nuts and stress and stress over it….sadly i feel im alone in this though process….anyone else….

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[munchkin]

shammers – you’re not alone! Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

I found that with just the right dosage of stimulants, it slows me down, but in a good way. I’m slowed down to where I can think straight.

Too much, and I’m a zombie and at the same time tense and anxious – I get frozen on one activity and can barely make any progress on it, but can’t move onto anything else.

You know – Adderall is a dextro/amphetamine – and there’s different stimulant med that, for some reason seems to work better for certain people. Have you tried any methylphenidate type med like ritalin, methylin or concerta?

There’s a sponsored video on this site that goes through a list of different meds and some of their strengths and weaknesses – you might find that interesting if you haven’t seen it yet. http://totallyadd.com/sponsored-video-5-medications-alphabetically/

Hang in there!

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[ashockley55]

Thanks for that munchkin! I’m going to watch it now!! Woo hoo!

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[munchkin]

You’re more than welcome

I see in another post that you already tried Concerta – sounds like you’re having quite the journey!

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[munchkin]

Oh wait – I got confused with shammers – she tried Adderall and Concerta already…

Um – meds wearing off right about….. now!

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[ashockley55]

Ha ha ha!

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