My DD wants to help a classmate with ADHD "be popular"

[ellamama]

Yesterday, my 9 y.o. DD came home from school and explained that she was helping a classmate plan a party “so she can be popular again”. This piqued my interest, so I asked what this was all about. My DD decribed in tremendous detail the social hierarchy of her 3rd grade class (at a private girls’ school). Her classmate, Sarah, had started out–in kindergarten–as being among the most popular girls. As time wore on, her social status has declined so that it’s–as my DD explained–“worse than mine!” My DD proceeded to go to the whiteboard we have in our dining room and draw a graph indicating the relative value of the girls in her class.

Then my DD dropped the bomb, “The reason Sarah’s unpopular is that she has ADHD.”

I managed to restrain my urge to call every parent in the class and give them a piece of my mind and asked my DD to elaborate on how ADHD makes Sarah unpopular.

“She’s really quiet. Sometimes she doesn’t pay attention. And she’s not good at math. She thinks she shouldn’t be at our school because it’s not the right school for girls with ADHD.”

Considering my options, I decided to go with self-disclosure. “I don’t know if it’ll help Sarah, but you might want to tell her that I have ADHD and am bad at math.”

My DD’s face froze (she’s quite the drama queen) and her mouth dropped open. “YOU have ADHD?!”

“Yep.”

“YOU have ADHD?!”

“Apparently so.”

“Wow.”

So, my DD’s still trying to figure out how to “help” Sarah. And I’m amazed by so many aspects of our conversation I’m not sure what else to write. (But I do plan on calling Sarah’s mom just to let her know if she wants a sympathetic ear, I’m happy to listen.)

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[Anonymous]

Hmm, sounds familiar! Growing up I was always great at joining groups and new friends but would slowly slip into the shadows and disappear over time. I hope those kids aren’t actually discriminating Sarah cause of her ADHD!! If so, the school should intervene here. Young kids need to be just as educated as there larger more stubborn counter-parts. Any educational institute should be open and willing to help the ADHD community as the evidence proves we are fully capable of great things with, or without treatment.

So yeah, light a fire under Sarah’s mom and help the little girl out!!! By the way – I sucked in math until diagnosed with ADHD in university – then went on to complete 6 semesters of advanced calculus! Go figure??

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[Ivriniel]

A good book for adults on the topic of helping kids with Learning Disabilities and ADHD with social problems is “It’s So Much Work to Be Your Friend” by Rick Lavoie. (The title comes from something he heard one kid say to another.) It’s predominately about kids with LD’s but a lot in the book also applies to ADHD.

http://ricklavoie.com/

Rick Lavoie is awesome. In Educator circles, he’s probably best know for the “F.A.T. City” video (Frustration, Anxiety, Tension) which puts the participants and the audience in the shoes of a person with an LD.

Here’s a bit of it here.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O4f4rX0XEBA&feature=related

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[ellamama]

@lvriniel: I agree this is a great book (I posted about it a while back). Ironically, I haven’t finished it…it’s in a pile somewhere…When I talk to Sarah’s mom, I’ll be certain to recommend it. She has two other, younger kids, both of whom have LDs (I don’t know if there’s ADHD with them, too).

Where we live, the public schools are worse than bad. As a result, anybody of any means sends their kids to private schools. The schools end up being segregated by learning style/need. There’re fabulous schools for kids with dyslexia; great schools for smart “neurotypical” kids, and so on…While it’s nice that kids (with means) can attend schools which supposedly meet specific learning styles, it’s strange. I can’t help but imagine the mess when these kids graduate from these schools where they’ve only been with their “own kind” and land in the “real world” where there’re lots of different sorts of minds.

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[Anonymous]

@ellamama, that’s great idea for your DD to help friend to become popular. She might be tell everyone that her mom also has ADHD but she has a daughter is very smart and popular. I think she promote her friend that even having a ADHD, she must be proud because of it and never get underestimate by anyone. And also I don’t think if someday her friend will transfer to any adhd schools. As we know that when growing up, the attitude will change.

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