On the down

[Carrie]

Sorry for this long vent… I dont think ive been so stressed in my life!

We just moved to the city in March and started renting in July. Ive already had the by law police… officers… whatever and whoever they heck they are! Called on me for being “too loud” ! Apparently only construction can make noise until 11pm. I cant play my music. Well la-di-dah! Also… I never knew I parked so crooked and didnt think it mattered until I got to the city. Had one guy knock on my window and told me to move over so his mom could get into the passenger door! I thought a staff member at a store was stocking me… I still think he is… He watches and walks where ever I go. Maybe he thinks im going to steal something… I dont know! I keep forgetting that a red light means STOP! Ive ran 5 since being here. Ive been treating them like a stop sign. UGH! These are the least of my problems! Its been very hard. Its been one hit after another.

We found renters for our house who now are taking me to court because they hit something with their lawnmower and broke the blades and want money for the repairs. Of course I procrastinated so I didnt make the deadline to get my evidence in. The hearing is on the 6th and I work that day and I dont want to call to book it off. I dont even want to show up! Now we dont have tenants are are paying our mortgage plus rent! Im terrified to find new tenants and therefore procrastinating about getting new ones! I am terrified that they will put me through hell like these first ones did. I am really losing faith in people. Seems like everyone really is out to get you. How can you trust anyone? I just can’t believe people can just outright lie to your face. It really hurts. I dont know what world I was living in. I thought everyone was fair, honest and just…. Maybe now that im an adult I now see and understand more. I dont like it. I want to be the naive child again! I want to live in my own little world again.

I procrastinated to get my car looked at and found out that it JUST ran out of waranty. If I would of taken it in a month sooner I wouldnt have to pay. UGH!! Now my car that I JUST bought is breaking down. I paid a lot for this car. Im VERY upset! Paying both the rent and mortgage doesnt alow much room for anything else.

School is starting next week…. I JUST registered my kids today. I am not ready at all! I have no system for their clothes! What stresses me out the most is what to make them for lunch. I wish I had something quick and easy… but my daughter is so fussy! She wont eat it even if shes super super hungry. I am terrified of the whole school atmosphere once again. At least in our old house I had a routine down so that stress was gone. Here I don’t yet. I still feel like im drifting. I need a routine and I just cant get one!

Theres so much going on. Im trying to learn the basics – budget, simple everyday tasks to stay organized, managing my weight, trying to manage my ADD son – This takes a lot of focus (maybe just for me) and then BAM! My renters are a$$holes, BAM my car is breaking down, BAM school is starting. I dont even have a foothold yet! I just want to crawl in bed ignore it all and hope it goes away! It seems the more I ignore the little things the more they build and build. I dont even know where to start! I dont even know how to start! How can I pick one thing when its all happening at once!

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[kc5jck]

Hi Carrtie, good to hear from you again . . . sorry things are not going better for you. They say (or maybe I imagined) that things come in threes. With ADHD they are usually bad and to the third power.

I haven’t much good to report, or fortunately bad, for that matter.

I used to live in the city (Houston) and had to learn “coping skills.” I’ll give you a few.

“Had one guy knock on my window and told me to move over so his mom could get into the passenger door!” – Tell his mom to lose weight.

” I never knew I parked so crooked and didnt think it mattered until I got to the city.” – Carry a can of white spray paint and “fix” the striping on the parking space.

” I thought a staff member at a store was stalking me… ” – Tell the pervert that the woman digging through the dumpster across the street is a nymphomaniac. Or even better tell him the woman who lives next door to you (the one that doesn’t like the loud music) is the nympho. 😉

And stop lights . . they’re like the tree falling in the forest. If no one else is around . . .

Don’t be a stranger. This is not a coping skill, it’s just that we want to hear more from you.

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[Carrie]

hahahahahahaha thanks kc5jck (thats hard to type you know. weird order ) At work we always say death comes in threes. But at least I see the end there. These 3’s are seeming to never end! BLEH! Ah well… we always survive in the end somehow.

I LOVE your nympho idea hahahahahahaha when I first read it I thought it said “Tell the pervert to go woman digging in dumpsters, something, something something, necrophiliac….” hahaha at the end of a night shift and when meds have worn off its hard to read.

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[Scattybird]

Hi Carrie – wow – that’s a lot of overwhelm to have to deal with! I am sorry to hear that the city is stressful – it’s so different from country living isn’t it. I have done both and prefer the country. Most of the coping mechanisms I had to adopt in the city were related to dealing with people like the ones you described. But not everyone is like that so don’t lose your trust completely.

I LOVE kc’s suggestion of dealing with the store-stalker. If it deals with your neighbour at the same time – job done!

Like kc I don’t have anything good to report – sadly I don’t even have his amusing approach to cheers you up. But here is the place to vent and we can at least listen.

It does seem like there’s so much to deal with that it might be an idea to try to work out what’s most important. I guess from what you’ve said your daughter’s school start, the court and the car.

The court thing is probably important – you don’t want to end up paying court costs (if that happens where you are?). Surely the renters should have some responsibility to check where they were mowing?

With your daughter – is it possible to sort her clothes out the night before, along with her school bag etc. If you have a special place that her clothes are laid out and all her school kit goes – like a launch pad – then at least your mornings will be less stressful (even if your evenings are fraught). It seems like a nice idea – but my life is full of nice ideas that remain as ideas!

No idea what children eat for lunch – something you don’t need to prepare would be good – yoghurt, fruit? Dunno! Can she have lunch at school so it becomes their problem or is that too expensive? – just thinking out loud.

Maybe try some of Ipsofacto’s mind management techniques if possible.

So we might not be able to help but we can listen. Let us know how things go.

Good luck!

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[nellie]

Hi Carrie,

been wondering where you are and how things were going for you! So glad to see you back!

Sorry to hear that things aren’t going so great with your move.

But to be blunt – from your posts things seem really discombobulated – is it really the city that’s causing you all that stress?

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[Carrie]

Whooooa! Nellie! Helloooooooooooooo!

Its not the city at all! I LOOOOOOOOOOVE it here! So many places to explore! So many new people! New experiences! I LOVE IT! Same old stresses. Like I said above… the school scene once again. I HATE it! Hate small talk. Hate all the action. Hate the system. Hate the attitudes. Of course lack on organizational skills and the overwhelm. I both love to meet new people and dread it all at the same time. Depends on my mood I guess. If im in a confident cheery mood, or paranoid insecure one. Bleh.

Having to find tenants and dealing with my last ones is a HUGE stress. Ive really had to learn to stand up for myself these last few months. My tenants were bullies and dealing with a lot of “outspoken” co-workers. Been a good lesson. None the less stressful however. Dispute is on the 6th…. I dont want to attend. I dont care anymore. I quit. I give up! I have all my evidence together and really I am in the right according to the law. Ive done nothing wrong thats where im confused! I am a fair person! I try to be at least! I dont care if im right, I dont care if im wrong! I want to be fair! I just dont see where I was wrong, I dont understand why I have to go to court when Ive done NOTHING wrong! I dont know! Maybe I have?? But according to my readings of the Residential Laws I havent! Whatever. Did an 18 hour night shift and have had little sleep, can you tell? hahahaha I need some CROWN ROYAL! UGH!

I agree with you all. No its not the city. But yes overwhelm. I dont know which to do first. Its just all so over bearing from the little things like trying to keep my kitchen looking neat and tidy to my $30k car dying (JUST BOUGHT A YEAR AGO!), and horrible first time tenant experience, and kids SCHOOL!!! I feel like ive been backed into a corner. Im tired of fighting. I want a break! I still dont even know if I agree with ADHD. Is it real? Its been over a year since my diagnosis… but I still feel like…. I dont know. Its a joke. I just cant grasp it. EVERYONE seems like they have ADD! Im normal… just a little bit off… hahahaha This reminds me of last week! I ran out of meds. Was without for a week… I was at work…. I didnt think they made a difference… But all week my co-workers asked me what was wrong. If I was doing drugs (I wasn’t, THAT was the problem hahahaha) because I was so forgetful, all over the place, hyper. The residents asked me if I had lost my marbles and told me to take their meds because I had lost it. Co-workers now call me “blondie”. Yeah yeah yeah. Proves the “ADD”

I just wish there was some easy way. I just wish I could just be told what to do and I wish I would do it. Like in elementary. I just had to follow their routine…. I would be done my work before everyone and sit there in my own little world drawing comics and entertaining myself. After school I would go out into the bush and explore. Get myself into risky adventures like climbing up the side of a mountain and then not knowing how to get down…. Following big horn sheep wasnt the smartest thing ive done… My parents told me to clean my room. Do my chores… If I didnt I was yelled at. That worked. Now im my own boss. I have no routine…. I cant yell at myself. Doesnt work. My parents dont scare me anymore. Sure, anyone can tell me what to do, but it wont work. Like an addict still in denial. I hope to hit bottom soon or get that “ah-ha” moment so I can start coming back up. I guess its a life long battle just like addiction. Nothing seems to sober me up! Still living in an alternate reality.

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[nellie]

Carrie!!!

Focus ?

You know, I can totally relate to how you are expressing things! In moments of clarity it all seems so well…clear! but then everything seems to pile up at the same time.

My personal solution?… This is going to sound really wacky but bear with me

…Recently I bought a leaf blower that is battery operated for 50 bucks, I was in a hurry so it sounded good. Got home and started thinking: How good can a battery operated leaf blower be, not to mention for only 50 bucks? So googled reviews and naturally as I suspected – it’s only good for 10 minutes ( no more no less) before needing a recharge!

Soooo… yesterday I decided I needed to blow leaves off the back deck and it was time to test the blower. The first thing that came to mind was that it will only last for ten minutes. I have a HUGE deck and boy did I start working efficiently! l didn’t obsess over little details or meander off and start trying to clean other parts of the exterior of the house. It all seemed so obvious and apparent and I thought it’s a great metaphor for life in general. Naturally my ADD brain made all sorts of connections and I figured there has got to be a lesson in all this. I zoomed along at breakneck speed and lickity split ,in even less that 10 minutes, it was done.

SO yeah, the takeaway from all of this is one day, one task at a time. You can’t do it all at once although that’s how our ADD style of thinking would like it to be. Lately I’ve been telling myself one “major thing a day” and the leaf blower experience seems to have just underscored that theory.

I know I am successful at achieving things if I don’t overdo it an plan things out instead of just surfing through the day.

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[Scattybird]

nellie – thank you for posting that. It’s a great metaphor.

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[Carrie]

That is great advice Nellie! But yes… the brain thinks…. One thing? I WILL BE HERE FOREVER! I WILL CONQUER THIS MONSTER YET!

Today was the first day of school! I was just as nervous as the kids. What made it worse is that I didnt know what was going on. When I registered them they didnt tell me what supplies I needed, what time to be there, where they had to go etc. THATS a HUUUUUUUUUGE stress for me. I like to be prepared! But it was okay. I went with the flow… It was good. Now that the kids have started I can see what I need to do to organize. I remember my routine now which is AWESOME! I just can’t think ahead for the life of me. I cant plan things out until they happen. But now I know! My daughter reminded me of the chore list I made for them last year that worked awesome. I used pictures of what they had to do and in what order (ie wake up, go to washroom, eat breakfast, brush teeth etc etc etc) that way they didnt have to ask me what was next every flipping minute and they knew if they were done quick enough they had time to play before we left. SCHOOL OVERCOME FOR NOW!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Hearing is in 2 days. Im calmer now. I have all my evidence. I will show up, go with the flow and tell the truth. Thats all I can do. If I was in the wrong I will know and now can correct it. I have no problem with that. I dont care if I win or not, I just want to know whats right even if it costs me money. Deeeeeeeeeeeep breaths until then! phew!

You are all so awesome!!!

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