[sb12]

@wire- I know exactly what you mean!

@seabassd– very helpful advice. I really appreciate it .

This new doctor already prescribed me Focalin, 10mg. I  go back in 2 weeks to see how it is going.  This made me nervous, she seemed good, but now I hope she isn’t a quack.  I could have been lying, I would think she would want to see me a few times first.  She also had me stop tapering down the Prozac . She wants to see how they work together for me.  She also thinks finding the right med may be extra hard because medications usually have the upset effect on me ie coffee marijuana Nyquil.

I am starting to feel the effects of reducing the Prozac . My head is being bombarded with so many thoughts.  I completely forgot what this was like, and I keep finding myself being super expressive with my face . I was always like that like I couldn’t hide what I was thinking but it went away on the higher dose of Prozac . Now I keep making faces about everything.  So strange I hadn’t even realized I had stopped but with less Prozac it just came right back.

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[sb12]

So I’ve been thinking about things I did when I was younger that were impulsive.  Organization and attention problems have always been things I was aware of but now after reading all this information, I can think of a lot of things I’ve done without thinking: going into superiors office to give an idea or complain about something without planning to or thinking things through, spur of the moment lodging a complaint against a boss, written on a RECEIPT 😑, hitchhiking, stealing, getting kicked out of the gifted class for blurting out something very inappropriate, hurting people’s feelings by saying something rude, pulling a knife on my dad because I thought he was going to yell at me or smack me- I remember it being in my hand and being like omg what are you doing? I backed up towards the door dropped it and ran down the street.  I also really hurt a girl one time by pushing her into a pool .  I just did it I don’t know why, we weren’t even really friends and she was crying so I ran down the street that time too.   I’m sorry for clogging up the forum with this stuff, I just never thought about it and I’m kind of taken aback to see patterns in my life that I wasn’t aware of.  My ex husband used to say that I had that Muppets Mahamana song in my head, like just coasting through life without paying attention.  It was much easier to do that than all of this self reflection.  Hopefully my life will be a lot better because of it though.

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[sb12]

So I’ve been thinking about things I did when I was younger that were impulsive.  Organization and attention problems have always been things I was aware of but now after reading all this information, I can think of a lot of things I’ve done without thinking: going into superiors office to give an idea or complain about something without planning to or thinking things through, spur of the moment lodging a complaint against a boss, written on a RECEIPT 😑, hitchhiking, stealing, getting kicked out of the gifted class for blurting out something very inappropriate, hurting people’s feelings by saying something rude, pulling a knife on my dad because I thought he was going to yell at me or smack me- I remember it being in my hand and being like omg what are you doing? I backed up towards the door dropped it and ran down the street.  I also really hurt a girl one time by pushing her into a pool .  I just did it I don’t know why, we weren’t even really friends and she was crying so I ran down the street that time too.   I’m sorry for clogging up the forum with this stuff, I just never thought about it and I’m kind of taken aback to see patterns in my life that I wasn’t aware of.  My ex husband used to say that I had that Muppets Mahamana song in my head, like just coasting through life without paying attention.  It was much easier to do that than all of this self reflection.  Hopefully my life will be a lot better because of it though.

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[sb12]

I do want to try the medication , and with my anxiety I’m hoping that maybe we do something like Wellbutrin or something that won’t make me anxious . It’s going to sound odd but will wellbutrin or another adhd med help me think in a more organized pattern?  Like with directions for driving . I am horrific at  knowing I’m at or how to get somewhere, because it all kind of blends together in my head.  Same with files or papers, I can have an important papers place or a few places but the thought of breaking them into categories just doesn’t work in my head.  Will medication help with this, like prioritizing and categorizing things in my head?  What about knowing how long things take? As a coping mechanism I generally just add 10 minutes to whatever I think will be the right amount time for something because people always look at me like I’m crazy when I say we can get something done in five minutes and it will more likely take 20 .   Just let me know if these questions are goofy.

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[sb12]

Another thing, my aunt has ADD, and my dad is much worse than either of us, but no dx.  He does drink almost a pot of coffee a day, though. he is also super smart so maybe doesn’t need to compensate as much ? I don’t know but he’s hours late for everything, and mom takes care of all the finances and responsibilities. I also remembered when I was little my papers or locker would be always overflowing with trash and junk and God knows what. I was always late for every class . And always tell my mom at like 8 o’clock, oh no we have a project due tomorrow and you have to take me to the store get my stuff . In college I’d always wait till the day before a big thing was due, then work for 12 hours straight.  Like if I finish something the day before it was due and not the day it was due that was a major accomplishment.  I’m still like that now but there are much less papers for me to worry about.

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