Re: First day on meds!

[Carrie]

Thanks so much for the reply! I LOVE your name “bluesman”. Do you play the blues? Like blues guitar or anything? I play the bass and LOVE to play the blues, its always so fun!

Well today is day…. 5 on Ritalin. Day 1 I took 10mg, and felt no change. Day 2 I took 20mg and felt very very weird, so thats all I took that day when I am suppose to take it twice a day. But I did find I could stop what I was doing on the PC and actually follow everything my 4 year old daughter was saying and understood what she really meant and didnt get lost in how she was saying it!

Day 3 I worked a 12 hour day shift (I do shift work) and took 20mg in the AM and 20mg in the afternoon. I had to flush a catheter (Im a nurse) and I hadnt done that in a long time so I was reading up on it, and still could not comprehend the simple directions in the book. Not until I was instructed by a fellow nurse on how to do it, did it make sense. Now I don’t know if the meds are suppose to help with the comprehension part or not… It could of been many factors…. But at the time of reading my mind was going a million miles an hour… but a lot of factors played in. My boss was right there, and reading stresses me out automatically because I have a hard time… I can read just fine, but have no clue what it is im reading! At the end of the day I managed to lose my cell phone which I NEVER do… I always lose my keys, drivers license, and bank card but NEVER my cell! Turns out I forgot I had it on my lap in the cafeteria and it fell into the chair! Anyways…. I also think I may not notice it at work because there is a set routine there and when there’s a routine I can follow it perfect. I just CANT establish a routine on my own! So no need to really concentrate when everything is laid out for me!

Day 4 was a 6hour day shift and took 20mg in the morning and 20mg in the afternoon. Once again not much of a difference but when I got home felt a little funny… I dont know how to describe it… Like my brain is doing the wave hahaha If that makes sense. I figure its because of the 20mg… My doctor told me to start with 10mg then go to 20mg if I still have no difference… and with my Dexedrine upset (since it did nothing or me.. huge let down) I just went to 20mg. Stupid… I know!

Today, day 5… I decided to only take 10mg. My husband has just started his first day at work (been laid off for a year). Now it is my responsibility to drop and pick up my son from school… This is a HUGE thing for me… Panic attack city!! Too many things going on there at once… This morning though I didnt panic… Which is a first! I was calm! Still rushed and unorganized, but calm! I find even now while typing this out I still trail off (just deleted about 5 paragraphs that I now condensed into the above sentence hahaha) and I was able to stop and listen to my daughter again… But unable to read or think while she was eating beside me making noise…

Honestly I am still very frustrated… Even thinking “maybe I dont have ADD”. My doctor said if Ritalin doesnt work, then they will have to reassess my diagnosis. All the “differences” I see can be justified, I think anyways! Maybe Im just having a good day today and thats why I was calm dropping him off. I STILL cant focus when there is background noise like my daughter! I had to make her go to a different room! I see everyone having these big WOW reactions, and I havent had mine, and if I did, it was not life changing like I expected… yes its only day 5… but everyone is seeing changes in the same day! Why not me? Maybe im confused on what the meds are suppose to help with… The things I need help with are behavioral and I guess meds dont change or make habits and thats where my expectations have failed me.

I cant set myself a routine or comprehend how to do so! Never know where to start… and it all is very overwhelming. Laundry is a GREAT example! There just so much of it, and it never ends and I dont know where to begin, how to start! Im very unorganized! Was hoping the meds would help, but thinking about it now, like I just said, they wont show me where to start or how to organize myself… I thought they would help me with this because the use of illicit stimulants made everything so calm and clear I KNEW what to do! I COULD do it. Everything just suddenly “clicked”. I could see where to start, and did, and knew how to keep the ball rolling, and could… The treatment is still young… But im really losing hope in all of it.

I would love to keep updating you! Its nice to have someone to relate to and update with!

Cheers!

Carrie

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