Re: Difficulting Managing People I Hire

[Patte Rosebank]

I think it does come down to the “control” thing. We feel so strongly that we’re the only one who can do the task properly, that, even when we need to get the help of someone specialized in the task, we’re still terrified that they’ll screw up (even though, we’d have screwed up far more royally on our own), that we can’t leave them alone to do what we asked them to.

This is why Mom drives us crazy at every holiday family dinner, by over-planning everything and under-estimating the time needed to do it. She asks us to help, but instead of taking some of the pressure off her, it just gives her something else to worry about—“What if they don’t do it right? (gasp!)”

Even when we try to defuse the situation by having the dinner at my brother’s place (where he & I can do the decorating and most of the cooking) or at a restaurant, she still tries to organize & run everything, in order to achieve her impossible ideal of the perfect family gathering. Never mind that the “family” no longer includes aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents; it’s just the four of us. So instead of the “perfect” gathering, the whole thing spirals into such stress & conflict, that we now consider holiday dinners to be not celebrated, but ENDURED. I miss the old days of looking forward to holiday dinners…

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