The Forums › Forums › What is it? › How do I get diagnosed? › Irony › Re: Irony
Edit, proofread, edit some more, wait…
Now I’m done, here goes.
<<>Gryffindork: you MAKE your bed?! ….screw that, it’s gonna get unmade again that night when i get back into it. mine just lies in a big sprawling jumble until bedtime. i have no shame. some sections of it enjoy the fresh air, i expect.
i also don’t iron except for weddings, funerals, and job interveiws. thats IT. if something is wrinkly it either goes into the bathroom on a hanger when i have a shower (steams unwrinkled), or stays wrinkly (cos it’s gonna either unwrinkle, or get wrinklier once i’m wearing it). if it’s uberwrinkled, i pretend thats the look i was going for in the first place. its a fashion concept. <<>
I can relate jeneticallymodified, how we look at ourself is a big part of the solution to me. I accept the symptoms that don’t torture me, adapt to the way my brain works, and always look for the positive in what feels really negative. I celebrate my progress and focus on the positive. That’s hard work.
I don’t own an iron. Never have.
The work I’ve been doing here, and fighting my way through a complete diagnosis is helping my brain begin to rewire itself. I’m not taking the methylphenidate any more. 5mg a day, is only making me see how awfully screwed up I am when it wears off. Just plain a different kind of weird, as it wears off. 2 hours of help, a couple hours being really freaking different but sorta better, then back to bouncing off the walls. Too small a dose of the solution only makes the problem more obvious. So no more of that crap. No quick fixes anywhere in my direct future.
It’s annoyingly! ironic that all the hoops I have to jump through, and the waiting!… helps me recover. By the time I get the medication part of the diagnosis/treatment I’ll be suffering less, just because I’ve overcome the chronic lateness, and disorganization just to show up for the appointments. It’s because I was way late to 3 out of the first 5 appointments that I’m now waiting “5 or 6 months” for another dang 15 minute apt with the psychiatrist. I feel like they’re punishing me, but I can’t expect special treatment just because ADHD has made me absolutely miserable most of my life, um….. right? I may not need medication by the time I finally get to see the psychiatrist again! A life of STRUGGLE has given me some determination. Patience when I’m desperate enough to pray n meditate.
Yeah, screw that. I WANT HELP NOW!!! ME FIRST!!!.
In the meantime I’m begrudgingly going to one possibly two support groups. I’m an old pro in that arena, Been there done that too much!!!, at least I’ll be able to crack jokes and feel somewhat useful. A little less alone. Then grow an ulcer stressing about being late. Then get kicked out because my ADHD is making me too “inappropriate”, I freaking hate that word. I almost never use that H word. Hate is toxic.
A positive note, I’m already taking wellbutrin (bupoprion) Maybe that’s why I don’t suffer as badly as many people here. Most of the solution is changing my habits, building new ones, and discipline. Tons of reading instead of writing here, working on long posts like this one much longer. Impossible for some/many of us without some medication help but… We just don’t all have that option. Sometimes irony is a hellish awful kind of unfairness.
I accept my hand of cards.
It’s better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick.
PS I let this post sit in my documents a day or so, kinda following my new rule I talked about at “The High Five Corner” http://totallyadd.com/forum/topic.php?id=1688 Stop by and give us a Slap! ukay?
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